The Meaning of Your Intense Feelings After a Breakup
You’ve experienced numerous arguments throughout your relationship. You could always try to fix it the next day. But there’s no “next time” after a breakup.
The sudden shift can be shocking. Yesterday, you were holding hands. 24 hours later, your partner’s carrying their stuff as they move out of your life. You’re losing an important person and connection.
But it’s when you’re finally alone that an intense wave of feelings after a breakup hits you.
The Feelings You’ll Experience During Each Breakup Stage
Breakup stages are similar to the stages of grief. You just lost someone important. You mourn their absence in a way that resembles grieving for someone who has passed away.
In each stage, you experience a different feeling. Let’s go through each one:
Stage #1: Ambivalence
As the news breaks, your head and heart play a tug-of-war. Is this the right thing? Can you stop it? A million questions and what-if scenarios run through your head as you try to process the news.
Stage #2: Shock and Denial
When the breakup starts sinking in, you try to deny what’s happening. You hate how things are playing out, so you hold on to whatever excuse you can think of to delay the shifting reality.
Stage #3: Resentment and Anger
You feel hurt over what happened. You lash out at your ex and other people because of your anger. It may even manifest in physical ways, such as throwing out physical reminders (pictures, mementos).
Stage #4: Negotiation and Bargaining
You try to negotiate with your ex to gain another chance at your relationship. You tell them you can change yourself. You don’t care if you compromise your values, as long as you get your ex back.
Stage #5: Sadness and Depression
Depression after a breakup is quite common. It first manifests as sadness and hopelessness. You feel like you’ve lost your purpose in life. And it’s tempting to isolate yourself to avoid getting hurt again.
Stage #6: Healing and Acceptance
After all the crying spells and sleepless nights, you’ve finally gotten to a lighter place. You feel more stable after expressing every emotion possible during the previous stages.
Stage #7: Moving On and Growth
In this last (but certainly not the least) stage, you find yourself in a clearer state of mind. You’ve finally put the breakup behind you, and living your life is something you look forward to.
These stages aren’t linear. You might experience them one at a time or go through some of them simultaneously. It’s also normal to repeat them or quickly bounce from one phase to the other.
Is It Possible to Start Feeling Empty After a Breakup?
Everyone talks about the feelings after a breakup—the sadness, anger, and self-healing. But is it possible to just feel nothing at all?
According to therapist Nicole Braswell, it’s normal to become emotionally numb after a breakup. But just because you’re not feeling anything doesn’t mean you’re not grieving the loss.
A lot has happened. This is your brain’s way of protecting you. It’s giving you a break, a chance to breathe before the emotional rollercoaster begins.
How Do Your Feelings After a Breakup Influence Your Coping Mechanisms?
A 2024 study revealed that men and women experience breakups differently. It’s not that one gender suffers more than the other. Rather, men feel certain emotions more, and vice versa. This, in turn, affects their coping mechanisms.
Let’s take a look at the male vs. female psychology after a breakup to better understand the connection:
Male Psychology After a Breakup
A study from Binghamton University found that men feel more anger and experience a harder blow to their self-esteem after a separation. They engage in more destructive behaviors, like substance abuse, physical neglect, and impulsivity, to cope.
Men also tend to be more avoidant. They contain their emotions and refuse to ask for help out of fear of being called weak.
Female Psychology After a Breakup
The study also found that women tend to feel more depressed. To cope, they participate in social and affiliative behaviors. They hang out with their friends and engage in various events or activities.
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These feelings after a breakup are part of human nature. The more you understand them, the better decisions you’ll make to move on and grow.
References
Braswell, Nicole. 2024. “Feeling Numb After Breakup? Long Beach Breakup Therapy Guide.” Just Therapy LBC. https://www.justtherapylbc.com/blog/feeling-numb-after-a-breakup-understanding-and-coping-with-a-dash-of-humor.
Bühler, Janina Larissa. 2025. “Do Men or Women Handle Breakups Better?” Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-i-shapes-we/202502/are-men-or-women-better-at-dealing-with-breakups.
Davies, Taylor. 2018. “Here's the Truth About Men and the Ways They (Typically) Handle Breakups - Verily.” Verily Magazine. https://verilymag.com/relationships/guys-after-breakup-mens-behavior-what-to-do-after-breakup-dealing-with-breaking-up/.