Your First Date? Kinda Nervous Too? Read This!
If you are nervous before a date, don't worry; it's totally normal.
First dates can be very nerve-racking, especially for those who don't enjoy socializing. Everyone has a unique experience, from getting dumped immediately after to sharing a kiss with their date to becoming just good friends. But regardless of what happens on a first date, we can't deny the fact that everyone has, at one point, been nervous for a date.
If you are reading this, you are probably one of those anxious daters. You surely don't want to ruin your date with your nervousness, but you don't know what to do. You're thinking about your first date, kinda nervous about how things will play out, and of course, you're overthinking a lot of things that shouldn't matter.
Lucky for you, we've got just the tips to help you relax and have an enjoyable first date.
Beating The First Date Anxiety
First dates are terrifying, but should that stop you?
Of course not!
The truth is, it's really only daunting if you go unprepared. Just like any endeavor, knowing what to do and how to act can help you avoid that embarrassing first date anxiety.
It's a completely normal experience. Even veteran daters who have years of experience under their belt struggle with dating if they rush into it half-heartedly.
Here's a little refresher to guide you on how you can avoid being nervous before a date.
Preparation
“Now the general who wins a battle makes many calculations in his temple ere the battle is fought…Thus do many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat: how much more no calculation at all!” - Sun Tzu, The Art of War
The date is only half the battle, so what's the other half? Preparation.
Preparation is unfortunately underrated, but it is, in fact, one of the most important aspects of a date. Without it, you'll just be a nervous wreck. To ensure a seamless first date, what should your plan include?
Goals and Intentions
What are you trying to achieve in your date? Are you looking for a potential lover or just a connection? Either way, you must assess your intentions with the person you're dating. Set the tone by dating with proper intentions.
Date Locations
Do you know where you're going and what you'll be doing? While it's understandable that first dates should be memorable, you shouldn't burden yourself by going on a date somewhere that brings heavy expectations. Try going for a short coffee and pastry date—it's casual, relaxing, and you don't need to spend too much for your date. Remember: first dates don't necessarily have to be grand.
Outfit Choices
As much as possible, dress smart and comfortably. Don't be pretentious. You don't want to spend the entire date scratching your glutes just because you thought you'd look good in skinny jeans. Try to avoid wearing clothes that you'd wear at home. Dress accordingly. A button-up shirt, a pair of straight slacks, and a pair of loafers is a smart choice.
Know Your Date
Know who you're dating. It's important to know a little about your date so you can ask some low-stakes questions, such as “How's working in your job so far?” or “What's your life like these days as a graduate student?” Some personal details also help avoid awkward confrontations when you unknowingly offend them about something.
Execution
Understandably, keeping your cool and avoiding nervousness is difficult to manage—don't force yourself to stay calm. Rather, don't think about what happens to you; focus on your date.
Focus on Your Date
The majority of people experiencing first date anxiety usually focus on themselves. As a result, they end up thinking whether they're saying the right things, if they smell good, or if there's something in their face. Stop thinking about yourself; rather, focus on what your date is saying and doing. Study their body language, social cues, and levels of comfort, so you can react accordingly.
Questions and Answers
When you ask, don't make them feel like it's a job interview. Be casual with your questions, and in turn actively listen to them. Doing so shows them that you are interested in what they have to say, let alone in them.
Embrace the Silence
Don't force yourself to fill the silence. Otherwise, you're going to sound awkward. Silence is okay every once in a while. Be comfortable in it. A little non-verbal communication never hurt anyone. Don't overthink when there's dead air. You both need to rest your minds once in a while.
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Overcoming first date nerves requires a lot of skill. As mentioned, even veteran daters find it challenging at times. More importantly, have fun. First dates aren't supposed to be stressful; they're supposed to be fun.
First date? Kinda nervous? Now that you know what to do, don't be!
Frequently Asked Questions
Preparation is the best antidote to anxiety. Plan your outfit, choose a low-pressure location like a coffee shop, and set clear intentions. During the date, shift your focus outward by actively listening to your partner rather than obsessing over your own performance or appearance.
Prioritize a "smart and comfortable" look. Avoid restrictive clothing that makes you fidget or feel self-conscious. A button-up shirt with nice slacks or clean jeans is a safe, stylish bet. If you feel physically comfortable, you will naturally appear more confident and relaxed.
Choose casual environments that don't carry heavy expectations or high costs. A short coffee date is ideal. This setting allows for easy conversation and offer a quick exit if things don't click, unlike a formal, expensive sit-down dinner.
Aim for 60 to 90 minutes. This duration is long enough to establish a connection but short enough to avoid awkward lulls. If the chemistry is great, you can always extend the date or plan a second one. If not, it allows for a polite, early exit.
Ask open-ended questions about their life, such as their experience with their job or current studies. Focus on low-stakes topics initially to build rapport. If you blank out and there is awkward silence, don't panic; simply embrace the moment or ask a follow-up question based on what they previously shared.
While traditional etiquette often suggests the inviter pays, modern dating is more flexible. Be prepared to pay for your own share (go Dutch) or the whole bill. To avoid awkwardness, you can casually offer to split it when the check arrives, or handle the coffee tab if it's casual.