Conversation Etiquette: Things to Talk About on a First Date

There are a lot of things to talk about on a first date, but which one should you start off with?

Not knowing what to talk about on the first date is always nerve-wracking; you’re too caught up trying to figure out how to entertain your date that you end up blanking out.

That’s perfectly normal. Everyone who has ever gone out on their first date has experienced the jitters and butterflies.

Aside from making a good impression by showing up early and dressing sharp, one of the few things your date will remember you by is how you carry your conversations. So it’s only normal to worry about what to say during your date.

Questions, thoughts, and opinions are some of the most common things to talk about on a first date.

People think that you should be talkative or be extroverted during dates, but that’s not necessarily true. You can speak less and still be a great communicator.

A good conversation only needs to be open, a little intriguing, relatable, humorous, and engaging. You can talk about a mutual interest or bring up a hobby to show them who you really are, and they can do the same.

So, what can you talk about on a first date?

Questions, questions, questions.

What’s a first date without getting to know each other?

Questions are great conversation starters to get things going. They allow both parties to break the ice and get to know each other better, everything they need to understand about one another.

People are often shy during the first date, so they tend to share less about themselves. They need a little persuading to open up. By asking questions, you allow them to come out of their comfort zone and show their real selves.

Although, be reminded that you’re on a date, and not a job interview. Be sensitive about what you’re asking the other person.

With that said, what kind of date night questions should you be asking?

Tell Me About Yourself (Introductory Questions)

Unless you’re dating your friend who you've known for a long time, asking questions about your date is one of, if not the most important, things to talk about.

You might say that you already know each other when you first matched—sure, but not everyone’s going to tell everything about themselves. That’s why you have to ask more about them.

Getting them to talk about themselves in person creates a more intimate setting that allows them to feel safe. Just remember not to be a creep about it.

The Hows, The Whys, and the Whats (Open-Ended Questions)

You may have heard this from dating gurus, dating sites, and relationship bloggers, and yes, open-ended questions are great questions to keep a conversation going.

They allow the person being asked to elaborate further about what they initially talked about. It creates an open space for the person to be more creative in explaining things without ending in a yes, no, or a single phrase.

The following are examples of open-ended questions you can ask your date:

What do you think of—? (Opinionated Questions)

Opinionated questions or thought-provokers are important questions that should be asked during the first date.

One way to know if a person matches your energy is to ask them something opinionated. Although talking about politics or religion on the first date isn’t advisable, you can ask your date what their thoughts are on particular subjects.

It doesn’t have to be specific and niche like “what are your opinions on the country’s gross economic output” or “what do you think of Robert Eggers’ method of using 35mm lenses when he filmed the Lighthouse?”

If you want to ask your date about their opinions, ask something general and broad that they can easily relate to.

Remember, opinions will vary. Just be mindful that there’s no such thing as a wrong answer to these questions.

Ask questions to keep a conversation going. Sometimes, your date needs a little persuasion to show their real self.

First Date Topics to Talk About

Now that you’ve established yourselves through a series of questions, it’s time to unwind and start talking about each other’s interests, goals, and even embarrassing moments.

What are topics you can talk about?

Interests and Likes

An interest is something you’re positively curious to try or engage in. For example, your interest in a specific sport or perhaps in cooking. It’s something that you’d like to try but haven’t dabbled in yet.

A like is something you actively enjoy doing. For example, you like going to the gym, painting, or watching pop-culture movies.

Talking about your interests and likes allows you to find things in common you can bond over.

Experiences

Talking about each other’s experiences creates a connection based on relatability, sympathy, and empathy. Not only that, but it also creates an intimate foundation with each other.

You can talk about your achievements, failures, embarrassments, life-changing moments, anything that will foster a connection.

Talking about experiences gives you an understanding of what the other person is like.

Lifestyles

Allow yourselves to imagine what your lives are like. Think about how you will adapt to their lifestyle and vice versa.

Knowing about each other’s lifestyles allows a person to gauge their compatibility. Some people live a fast-paced lifestyle, while others aren’t into it. Some like to be over-the-top, others like to live in simplicity.

However, polarizing lifestyles don’t necessarily mean you’re completely incompatible. If you are truly interested in each other, you can adjust and learn to appreciate one another.

First Date Topics You Should NOT Talk About

You can be an open book and talk about anything you want, but always remember that certain things should never be talked about on your first date.

Sure, you might have mutual interests and relatability with some of these topics, but that doesn’t mean you should be making them the subject of your date night.

Death

You’re going out on a date to enjoy and be happy—why talk about something morbid?

Understandably, some people will bring up death if they are asked about a friend or a family member.

Yes, you may talk about it in relation to the topic, so you will learn what happened to their friend, family, past lover, or someone they know.

No, you cannot start a conversation and delve deeper into the morbidity of the subject.

It’s something reserved for a time when you both have truly connected and feel more comfortable with each other.

Politics and World News

Unless you both have common political ideologies, not everyone is comfortable talking about politics or what’s happening in the world.

Let’s face it, politics can be very polarizing and dividing. Even close family members can have a fallout due to differences in political views. What more if it’s with your first date?

Talking about politics and world news will likely end in arguments and misunderstandings.

Your Ex

Talking about your exes is okay, as long as you’re not making them the center of your conversation.

This kind of conversation can create a sympathetic bond between you and your date, but focusing on your exes might mean you have not moved on from them yet.

And if you do talk about your exes, avoid bad-mouthing them. How you talk about your exes or people in your past shows what you are like as a person.

Even if your ex wasn’t the best person you knew, do your best to be respectful.

Keep the Conversation Healthy, Respectful, and Fun!

Remember that carrying a conversation during a date is a two-way affair. If you find that you're the only one initiating the conversations, it could be a sign that your date isn't interested, or maybe they're feeling uncomfortable around you. That's why it is important to be sensitive.

And no matter what topics you might end up talking about, always do your best to remain respectful. Should you have opposing views on a topic, don't argue. Learn to agree to disagree.

Lastly, have fun! It’s your date night, and the last thing you need is to bore each other to death. Learn what things to talk about on a first date, and connect with your date on a deeper level, upping your chances of a second date.

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External References Used:

7 Things You Shouldn’t Talk About on a First Date | By Wendy Rose Gould https://www.verywellmind.com/what-not-to-talk-about-on-a-first-date-7775457

20 Questions to Avoid on a First Date (And What to Ask Instead) | By Sanjana Guptahttps://www.verywellmind.com/20-questions-to-avoid-on-a-first-date-8600934

70 Thought-Provoking Questions (Conversation Starters) https://www.spiritandmuse.com/spirit-muse-blog/70-thought-provoking-questions

50 First-Date Conversation Topics and Questions to Ask a Potential Partner | By Stacey Laura Lloyd and Ellie Nan Storck https://www.brides.com/first-date-conversation-4177033

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