Can long-distance relationships be successful?

Yes, LDRs can be exciting and fulfilling [1]. There is research suggesting that long-distance couples report higher levels of relationship quality and commitment compared to those in close proximity [2]. Distance can potentially enhance intimacy by making limited in-person moments more meaningful [2, 3].

How can couples make a long-distance relationship work?

To make your LDR thrive, both you and your partner must be committed and believe in the relationship [2, 3]. It requires equal commitment and communication to be successful [4]. Key strategies include: Setting clear expectations regarding communication frequency, in-person visits, and discussing differences to find a compromise [4, 5]. Creating an environment where desires and expectations are valued and understood is a must [5]. Being open to healthy compromise , which means being willing to meet in the middle and being flexible to accommodate each other's needs despite differing daily realities [5, 6]. Looking forward to something together , whether it's smaller milestones like holidays or brainstorming long-distance relationship activities , setting dates for in-person meetups, or planning major life moments like moving closer [6, 7]. Making conversations fun to keep your connection strong and clear negative assumptions [7, 8]. This can involve small talk, flirtatious banter, joking, sharing daily anecdotes, or playing games [8]. Not jumping to conclusions when physically apart, as you can't see usual behaviors [9]. Instead of making irrational assumptions or becoming jealous or overly critical, it's best to check in on the person respectfully [9, 10]. Respecting each other’s autonomy by encouraging individual growth and change [10]. It is also healthy to continue relying on support systems like friends and family for objective viewpoints [11].

What are some long-distance relationship activities?

Couples can brainstorm activities that will excite them [6]. This includes setting dates for in-person meetups like a beach getaway, an island staycation, or leisure games if possible [7]. You can also plan major life moments together, such as applying for a job or searching for an apartment near your partner [7]. For virtual activities, making conversations fun can involve small talk, flirting, joking, sharing daily anecdotes, or playing games like "Question of the Day" [8].

How important is commitment in an LDR?

Commitment is crucial and key to making your LDR thrive [2, 12]. You both have to believe in the relationship and be in it together [2]. Long-distance couples often report higher levels of commitment [2], and the increased intimacy gained from savoring reunions can strengthen commitment and stability [3]. Success in an LDR requires the couple to be equally committed [4].

Should couples in an LDR plan to live together eventually?

Yes, the source suggests that distance should be temporary [13]. While respecting the reasons for being apart is important in navigating an LDR, being together physically still has a meaningful impact on your connection [13]. If you are committed to the person, you should discuss plans for finally being together, which includes serious living arrangements [13]. LDRs are not meant to be permanent, and couples should be open to the idea of living together [13].

Feel Closer | How to Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Q: What is a long-distance relationship (LDR)?

An LDR is a type of romantic relationship between lovers who are geographically far from each other [1]. It is an arrangement that couples can be in [1].

Couple’s hands apart reaching, depicting how to make long distance relationships work.

How to make long distance relationships work? You have to commit.

“One day, there will be no distance between you and me.”

We often hear sayings about distance and love like this one spoken among many couples. It’s like a vow of commitment—an optimistic promise for an undying love no matter how far apart they are.

These couples are in an arrangement called long-distance relationship.

A long-distance relationship (LDR) is a type of romantic relationship between lovers who are geographically far from each other. LDRs can be exciting and fulfilling.

But the challenge is in how to make long distance relationships work.

The key to making your LDR thrive is that you and your partner must be in it together. You both have to believe in the relationship.

Here’s one of the perks: long-distance couples report higher levels of relationship quality and commitment than those in close proximity.

There is research to back this up, such as the article “Relationship quality, commitment, and stability in long-distance relationships” by Kelmer, Rhoades, Stanley, and Markman, published in the journal Family Process.

Other papers, such as Borelli’s and Kerr’s “Relational savoring in long-distance romantic relationships” suggests distance enhances intimacy by making limited in-person moments more meaningful.

Seeing each other after relying on virtual communication heightens the desire to savor in-person moments. It can improve the quality of every interaction. This increased intimacy and focus upon reunion can strengthen commitment and stability.

Is this your first time being in an LDR or are you considering being in one? Then this guide is for you.

Beginner’s Guide on How to Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Are you wondering how to do long-distance relationships?

A long-distance relationship requires the couple to be equally committed and to communicate to make it successful.

This means you have to agree and commit to shared strategies. What could those be?

Set clear expectations

Setting clear expectations is crucial in nurturing a successful long-term relationship. Do you expect to speak on the phone only once a day or send text messages at particular hours? How often can you meet in person?

Be clear about your own expectations toward the other person and the relationship, and listen to theirs as well.

Discuss any differences that may arise and find out where you can meet halfway. While clearly communicating your expectations, be open to compromise as well.

Creating an environment in your relationship where your desires and expectations are valued and understood is a must in an LDR.

Be open to healthy compromise

Entering a long-distance relationship means dealing with different daily realities. You and your potential love match will likely have separate routines, social circles, and even time zones.

Compromise in an LDR means the willingness on both sides to meet in the middle. For one, this could mean adjusting your schedules for calls.

Establishing compromise is about understanding each other's perspective and being flexible enough to accommodate each other’s needs.

Look forward to something together

Often, how to make long distance relationships work fall on healthy change.

Just like in any relationship, growth is equally important in LDRs. Looking forward to milestones together can contribute to the longevity of your relationship.

You can maintain your enthusiasm for each other through smaller milestones first, such as holidays together. Brainstorm long-distance relationship activities that will excite you and your potential long-distance sweetheart.

Make an event out of being together. Set dates for your in-person meetups. Invite your soon-to-be partner for a beach getaway, an island staycation, or leisure games if you can.

You can also plan major life moments. You can talk about applying for a job or searching for an apartment near them.

Whatever your desired milestones are, make sure you express them clearly.

Make conversations fun

Communication is essential in LDRs, arguably even more so than in in-person relationships. It keeps your connection strong and can also clear out negative assumptions.

But it’s equally important to remember that talking to each other is supposed to be among the long-distance activities that you find enjoyable.

Delight in small talk and flirtatious banter. Joking around or sharing daily anecdotes or even playing games like “Question of the Day” can be fun on their own, but they can also lead to deeper and more intimate conversations.

You can communicate as often (or as seldom) as you want to maintain your connection.

Don’t jump to conclusions

When you’re physically apart, you’re unable to see each other’s usual behaviors and habits. This is often why LDR couples pass judgment too quickly on their partners.

In some cases, people get immediately jealous over a casual social outing that their partner participates in. They see it as a threat.

Some people may also become overly critical. They might see every small thing that goes wrong as a potential end to the relationship. Things like an internet disruption can be seen as a sign of disinterest or a refusal to communicate.

Irrational assumptions can be harmful. One way to stop them from clouding your mind is to acknowledge that you don’t know what’s going on on the other end.

Therefore, it’s best to simply check in on the person. Talk about what’s going on with them.

However, be mindful and respectful of personal boundaries as well.

Respect each other’s autonomy

How to make long distance relationships work depend on an appropriate balance of independence and interdependence.

Don’t forget to encourage one another to grow and change as individuals. It brings a positive new energy to your relationship.

Respecting each other’s autonomy could also mean encouraging your partner to talk with friends and family about struggles.

Although there are aspects in your relationship that are best kept private, it’s also a healthy habit to continue relying on your support system. Receiving objective viewpoints can help you and your partner in significant ways.

Distance Should Be Temporary

A silhouette of a plane taking off, depicting long-distance relationship activities that couples look forward to.

Maintain enthusiasm for each other with long-distance relationship activities.

Respecting the reasons why you’re apart is important in navigating LDR. However, being together physically still has a meaningful impact on your connection.

If you’re willing to commit to the person, then do your best to meet them face to face.

You need to discuss plans for finally being together. This is not just for short-term visits, but serious living arrangements. Who will move to live with whom? Or will you both move to live together in a different place?

LDRs aren’t meant to be permanent. They can last for an indefinite period, depending on how well you handle it as a couple, but you should both still be open to the idea of living together.

Regardless, what works for your relationship is still up to you and your partner.

After all, an LDR is a unique experience for every couple. Some don’t mind the distance at all because

“Love is space and time measured by the heart.” —Marcel Proust

References:

Borelli, Jessica L., Margaret L. Kerr, Hannah F. Rasmussen, and David A. Sbarra. 2015. “Relational savoring in long-distance romantic relationships.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 32, no. 8 (December): 1083-1108. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0265407514558960.

Kelmer, Gretchen, Galena K. Rhoades, Scott Stanley, and Howard J. Markman. 2012. “Relationship quality, commitment, and stability in long-distance relationships.” Family Process 52, no. 2 (September): 257-270. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.2012.01418.x.