Why do even intelligent individuals, like those with advanced education and careers, fall victim to online romance scams?

Online romance scammers are clever engineers who do their due diligence, learning everything about their victims' needs, desires, and responsibilities before initiating contact. They don't begin an interaction without a plan and use tried-and-tested methods, often with the help of technology, to fool even very smart people. Award-winning author Nicola Prentis, with a master’s degree and a background in teaching and writing educational materials, acknowledged her own naivety, noting the scammer appeared when she was looking for a change.

What emotional or psychological needs do online romance scammers commonly exploit in their victims?

Scammers exploit a range of human needs and desires. They trigger visceral feelings like fear to make victims act impulsively and against logical thought. They also take advantage of the need for companionship, especially for those feeling "perpetually single," creating anxiety and then pretending to offer a solution. Furthermore, scammers leverage the desire to belong by using the bandwagon effect, making victims feel their choices are socially validated. They also play on moral responsibility to help by framing their scams as heartwarming requests for "financial assistance" for fake emergencies. Finally, they exploit the sense of obligation to repay favors, making victims feel indebted for small gestures or gifts.

How do online romance scammers take advantage of someone looking for a partner with specific preferences, especially if they are interested in international partners?

Scammers exploit the desire for a partner who fits specific preferences by posing as experts in industries that align with what victims seek, using facts, figures, jargon, and references to appear credible. However, they often dodge basic personal questions like home state, birth date, specific university, or work experience, as they struggle to maintain consistent fabricated answers. Additionally, scammers can infiltrate social circles, such as online book clubs, to initiate interactions with genuine members, setting the stage for a Facebook dating scam. They also create fake testimonials on dating sites to lure daters into their traps.

What are key warning signs that an online match might be a scammer, particularly if they ask for money or haven't met in person?

A significant warning sign is when an online match, with whom you haven't met face-to-face, starts asking for money, even for seemingly legitimate reasons like rent. Scammers sweet-talk victims into sending cash, promising repayment, and often become pushy. They commonly create fake emergencies such as medical, travel, or housing crises to siphon money by playing on your sympathy and guilt. Scammers also try to desensitize risky actions, claiming they are normal or a shortcut to an opportunity, especially related to love. If a match is being pushy towards you, it's a huge sign they are a scammer.

Are online romance scammers using advanced technologies like Artificial Intelligence (AI) to make their scams more convincing?

Yes, recent online romance scams increasingly involve Artificial Intelligence (AI). Scammers utilize AI to create fake profiles, generate deepfake images, perform voice cloning, and produce imitated messages. This advanced technology makes public data more accessible and renders scams harder to expose because AI can closely mimic real communication in terms of tone and structure. This allows scammers to provide seemingly legitimate reassurance that they are real, even when they are not.

Why Even the Smartest People Fall for Online Romance Scams

A career man falling for an online romance scam

Scammers do their due diligence. They learn everything about their victims to ensure they fall for their online romance scams.

Why do even the smartest people become victims of online romance scams?

Given their impressive educational backgrounds and careers, you’d think they’re less likely to be fooled. But many have acknowledged they were naive.

One of them is award-winning author Nicola Prentis. In a HuffPost article, she lists her credentials: a master’s degree and a background in teaching and writing educational materials.

Unfortunately, they didn’t offer her much help in spotting the scam.

“...Maybe because he’d popped up at a time in my life when I was looking for a change,” she explains.

Romance scammers are clever engineers. They don’t initiate an interaction without a plan.

They get to know their victims—their needs/desires/responsibilities—and strategize based on their intel. With tried and tested methods for various cases and the help of technology, it’s understandable how they can fool even the smartest people.

With this, which of our needs/desires/responsibilities do scammers usually take advantage of, and how?

Need to Quell Visceral Feelings

People often knowingly act against the most rational choice to quell visceral feelings, such as hunger, thirst, pain, and fear.

When hungry, we cook the easiest recipe or buy the first thing we see at a stall. It makes sense, right? But this often leads to many classic self-destructive behaviors, like overeating or overspending.

Scammers trigger people’s visceral feelings, knowing their possible influence on decisions.

For example, they use fear-mongering to trap daters in online romance scams on Facebook and other platforms. They intensify such emotions to ensure their victims fail to think logically and, consequently, act impulsively.

Need for Romantic Resources

Despite having access to basic needs, some people tend to want more. This scarcity mindset either stems from a fear of running out of resources or a narrow focus on what’s lacking.

Scammers are aware of this. They combine visceral influences with urgency to keep the wheels turning. They know those influences are momentary (despite their intensity), so they make things a bigger deal than they are.

They employ deadlines for their services or make products appear limited in quantity to push their victims into making illogical choices.

If a shady platform has a “limited-time offer” up for grabs, there’s a high chance a no-good dating scammer is pulling the strings.

Need for Companionship

No one likes to be left behind. Companionship is a human need we can’t shake off, no matter how much we try.

But this yearning is especially intense for people who are “perpetually single” in their circles.

They believe opportunities for romance are scarce. And without time on their side, their situation makes them anxious. Scammers make them feel worse and, later on, pretend to offer them a way out.

What victims think is the solution to their romantic problems is a nightmare waiting to happen.

Desire for a Partner Who Fits Our Preferences

We have our preferences. For some, it’s an intelligent partner with a good career. They desire discussions that can expand their knowledge or relationship stability.

It’s in these cases that credentials matter. They’re very telling of one’s intelligence and place on the career ladder.

Scammers take advantage of such preferences and pose as experts in specific industries. They present facts and figures or incorporate jargon and references that most may not understand. However, they try to dodge basic questions (home state, birth date, specific university or work experience, etc.) because they have to make up consistent answers.

Let's say you've matched with a dentist and asked them about their life. They might be a scammer if they stay silent, provide ambiguous answers, or shift the conversation to their career, employing whatever jargon they are familiar with to appear credible.

The intel that scammers gather determines the scam methods they’ll use.

Desire for Legitimate and Effective Dating Services

As online romance scams increase, checking a dating site’s legitimacy before registering has become the norm.

We read user reviews and check out their photos and videos to ensure our safety and set proper expectations for their services. And when we like what we see, we take the cue and follow suit.

However, scammers are often ten steps ahead and use testimonials against us. They write comments under fake profiles to get daters to pay attention and fall into their trap.

Some scammers up the ante by infiltrating the social circles of their target group. For example, they infiltrate an online book club and initiate interactions with genuine members, setting the stage for a Facebook dating scam.

Desire to Belong

Humans naturally desire connection and belonging. So, it's no surprise that we often fall for the bandwagon effect or the tendency to adopt preferences, trends, philosophies, or behaviors just because others are doing it.

Scammers apply this observation to their dating scams online and in person. They want to make victims feel they’re making the right choice (socially speaking). Add that peer pressure to the FOMO from earlier, and that’s a scam waiting to happen.

Desire for Opportunity (Or to Maintain It)

Love is a gamble. We open ourselves up to the possibility of heartbreak but bet on it anyway. However, don’t put all your chips in this nefarious basket.

When a scammer poses as a legitimate figure or platform, they try to desensitize risky actions. They claim it’s normal. If not, they state it’s a shortcut to a problem or opportunity. And you, not wanting to mess up this chance for love, agree with them.

Say you’ve matched with someone and have been chatting with them for a while. However, you haven’t met face-to-face yet. One day, they ask to borrow some money for their rent.

Naturally, there’s some hesitation on your part. However, they sweet-talk you into it and promise to pay you back in a specified period. You don’t want to argue and drift apart, choosing to trust them and send them cash.

If a match is being pushy towards you, there’s a huge chance they’re a scammer. Step back, close that tab or app, and don’t look back.

Desire for Reassurance

Nobody wants to be a victim of an online romance scam, so we seek forms of reassurance. We ask our matches to meet us in person, or if that's not feasible, to show us proof that they're real through photos and videos.

Knowing this, scammers have strived to increase the effectiveness of their scam methods.

Joey Brown, Illinois State University’s deputy chief information security officer, says recent online romance scams involve AI, from fake profiles and deepfake images to voice cloning and imitated messages.

The technology makes public data more accessible and scams harder to expose because it can closely mimic real communication, from tone to structure. (2025)

Moral Responsibility to Help Those in Need

Sympathy and guilt are hardwired in our DNA. We’re not human if we don’t empathize with people in rough patches and feel bad over mistakes. But sadly, those two are among the many traits scammers play with to meet their objectives.

They hook their victims by framing their scams as heartwarming requests. For example, they pretend to be in a pinch and ask for “financial assistance.” But the truth is, they don’t have a medical, travel, or housing emergency. They’re just using your humanity to siphon your money for their personal gain.

Sense of Obligation to Repay Favors/Debts

We tend to feel indebted to people when they do us favors. After all, they’re thankless efforts. The least we can do is meet them halfway, yes? We owe them that—most of the time, that is.

Scammers exploit this sense of obligation to compel victims to reciprocate. They do them a small favor or send a gift. This makes targets feel they have a duty to repay, making them click shady links that require highly confidential information or send financial help in times of need, for example.

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Now that you know how scammers carry out online romance scams, you should be able to protect yourself better. Don’t fall for any of the tricks above.

References:

Prentis, Nicola. 2024. “The Guy I Was Talking To Online Was A Romance Scammer. Here's What Tipped Me Off — And How I Turned The Tables On Him.” HuffPost. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/online-romance-trading-scam_n_66c8a8f0e4b0b61af203a821.

Brown, Joey, and Emanuel Aguilar. 2025. “Love is in the (AI)R.” Illinois State University News. https://news.illinoisstate.edu/2025/02/love-is-in-the-air/.