How Can Playing the Friendzone Get You to Like That Person?

The friendzone is one of the many concepts born out of modern dating conventions. It’s especially common among young daters, with some calling it a rite of passage. Either you’re relegated to that territory, or you put someone in that box.

So, can playing the friendzone get you to like that person you’ve caught feelings for?

Before we address that question, let’s have a closer look at what the friendzone truly is. From there, we’ll get the answer.

For some, this territory needs no introduction. Some readers may be in it themselves, or have labeled others in that category. 

But for the uninitiated, allow us to go into full detail.

The friendzone is a concept referring to the contrasting romantic feelings between two friends. One wants to go beyond friendship, while the other is fine with keeping things the way they are. And more often than not, the latter is oblivious to the former’s feelings.

Here’s an example. Say there’s this solid friendship between this man and a specific woman that has long existed since their childhood. But unbeknownst to the male best friend, his best gal pal grew to have feelings for him, starting from their teenage years. 

The female best friend keeps her affections a secret from the guy. She knows she has no right over his heart, but she can’t help but feel hurt (and a little jealous) when she sees him talking to women outside their little circle. 

Does that sound too familiar? If so, we feel for you. It truly sucks.

This phenomenon may be modern, but the concept has existed long before the age of smartphones and dating apps. A Friends episode first mentioned the term back in 1994, with Ross lamenting his unspoken feelings for Rachel.

Think of the friendzone as romantic purgatory. The friendship remains, but for the person with feelings, they feel stuck. They want something more, but they know they can’t get what they want.

“Do women like guys that play the friendzone?” 

“Are women attracted to men that play their friendzone?” 

Few things are as deflating as getting friendzoned. We’ll take a safe bet and say no to both questions. The same could be said for many men.

Whether you’re a man or a woman, you’ll feel the sting. Who wouldn’t be disappointed after learning your desired person doesn’t feel the same way? They may not have explicitly done it, but it’s understandable why this can be seen as a form of rejection.

The sadness eventually arises. For some, it comes to them racing at 100 miles per hour. But for others, it’s a gradual affair.

From there, anger may surface. This especially happens when one feels led on by the other party. And the longer that anger remains, it’ll slowly turn into resentment.

When one doesn’t let that resentment go, the friendship gets affected. Tension and awkwardness set in because of the discomfort.

Let’s get to the other side of the equation. What do people experience after they friendzone someone?

Will a woman like the guy playing their game? The outcome is highly unlikely. The fact that they friendzone someone should be pretty telling. But like the people who get friendzoned, friendzoners (for the lack of a better word) experience complex emotions, too. 

One, they may feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. They want their boundaries maintained, but they also care for their (heartbroken) friend. More often than not, friendzoning doesn’t have malicious intent behind it.

Two, they may also feel pressure. Sure, they initiated that relegation, but they can’t help but feel obligated to reciprocate feelings they truly don’t have. 

And with that, they can get weighed down by guilt. They feel compelled to spend more time with the friendzoned and be there for them, sometimes at the cost of their well-being.

The friendzone looks like an innocent place on the surface. There’s nothing wrong with friendships, right? 

Companionship is a human desire, and having friends helps fill that void. Not every connection should lead to romance. As clinical psychologist Morgan Anderson puts it, it’s a way of labeling a relationship that removes romantic intent (2024).

But the thing is, that zone isn’t as wholesome as it seems. For a significant chunk of daters, it may even be problematic. These are some of the arguments against it:

#1: Friendships get devalued.

Friendship is among life’s best things. It’s nice to have people in our corner unconditionally because they help us get through this unpredictable world.

The friendzone takes all that value away. It treats friendships like consolation prizes for getting turned down. We shouldn’t adopt this mentality because this hierarchy shouldn’t even exist in the first place. 

#2: We don’t owe anyone our feelings.

The friendzone implies you have to earn someone’s romantic feelings. If you fit their criteria, their love is all yours. 

The thing is, there’s nothing we can do if the feelings aren’t mutual between you and the friend you fell for. And truthfully, you don’t owe them your company either, even if they asked to stay friends.

#3: It creates an unnecessary barrier.

The friendzone can make us believe that we should categorize people. It operates on the notion that one choice makes the other invalid. For example, if someone is in the “friend” territory, the idea of them becoming a partner is entirely out of the question.

While it’s a case-to-case affair, we shouldn’t stick to a restrictive mindset. Just because you don’t feel something from the jump doesn’t mean ruling somebody out entirely immediately.

#4: Friendship CAN turn into love.

Friends can always go through a friends-to-lovers trajectory. Some couples make it out of that limbo and last long. 

If anything, these couples are more likely to happen in real life. A 2021 University of Victoria study revealed that 68% of their participants’ recent or current romantic relationships started from friendships. 

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Let’s go back to the initial question: Can playing the friendzone get you to like the person? 

The truth is, there’s no guaranteed answer. But seeing how bad that zone can get, we recommend you stay out of it and look for something (and someone) better.

References

Inks, Lexi. 2024. “How To Get Out Of The 'Friend Zone' And Make Your Feelings Known.” Women's Health. https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a60175464/how-to-get-out-of-the-friend-zone/.

Grover, Natalie. 2021. “Two-Thirds of Couples Start Out as Friends, Research Finds.” The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jul/12/two-thirds-of-couples-start-out-as-friends-research-finds.