Mixtape for Mistakes: What the Best Breakup Songs Teach Us

When going through heartbreak, we often turn to the best breakup songs we know for comfort.

How do you deal with a broken heart?

Often, we can’t help crying in the park after a breakup or stop ourselves from singing away our pain.

We experience such complex emotions at this time. And even though we’re unlikely to understand them, we can somehow sing songs about them.

According to a 2015 study, one reason is that listening to our preferred music creates a sense of familiarity and safety in a chaotic period. So, many thanks to the artists who got their hearts broken and composed the best breakup songs for the world to hear.

An art born of a broken heart. Isn’t it a wonder that “art” rhymes, if not sounds entirely alike, with “heart”?

But philosophical questions aside, what do these good songs about breaking up tell us? Or better yet, what do they teach us? After all, they say each song has a story to tell, if not a lesson to teach.

A Breakup Knows No Age—“Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac

Right from the first lines of this soulful acoustic ballad, we encounter a landslide—pun unintended—of emotions.

When we think about breakups, we mostly remember our youth or picture couples in the prime of their lives.

But a breakup can happen anytime, whether in the first few months of marriage or even in one’s golden years.

People sometimes turn around when they see a big change coming.

The Difficulty of Loving Again—“One More Try” by George Michael

I’ve had enough of danger . . .

This song shows us how hard it is to love again after experiencing multiple heartbreaks. We fear that opening our hearts again will destroy us once more.

Yet how helpless are we to let ourselves fall in love again despite all the traumas? To fall for the false hope that things will be better this time? To give love one more try? Is it right to say we don’t ever learn?

Perhaps that’s just how love is. It always makes us find ourselves hoping, and that’s all right.

The late, legendary English songwriter George Michael bore his heart out, singing these lines like a breakup poem:

Good songs about breaking up tell us that, sometimes, we need to let grief do its worst so we can heal and grow.

Goodbyes Can Happen Before a Breakup—“Symphony of Blase” by Anberlin

The premonition of a breakup usually causes more pain than the separation itself. It’s the stage when hearts grow cold, distant, and indifferent.

Each day, you can feel your partner turning away from your touches, and you find yourself not even putting up a fight.

You’re tired. Despite that, you feel a strange sense of relief. You’re thinking that, finally, you don’t have to care anymore. You just have to say your formal goodbyes.

You can see the end coming, and you can’t do anything to change it. The breakup seems inevitable.

That’s what this song is telling us. Accompanied by a soft rock tune, it foresees a couple’s last dance.

Mental Health Is Critical in a Relationship—“Black Star” by Radiohead

This is one of the best breakup songs, as it tackles a topic not many are willing to talk about—mental health struggles.

Depression and schizophrenia, in particular, have ended many relationships. And this mournful, falsetto-heavy song tells us what it’s like to be with a mentally ill person.

Unmet needs, communication breakdown, emotional distancing, and unavailability are a recipe for a breakup. While some let go at the first signs of instability, others stay until they can’t bear it anymore.

Here, the singer refers to the illness as a “black star,” a cosmic force he blames for destroying their relationship.

No matter how much he tries to fight it, his powers aren’t enough. The force overpowers him, and he’s fighting against it alone. Oh, the things we do for people we love!

There’s Beauty in the Pain—“All in Good Time” by Iron and Wine, feat. Fiona Apple

You broke my heart, then I was okay

All in good time

Can breakups be a beautiful human experience? The song answers, “All in good time.”

You’ve likely read plenty of breakup quotes saying the same thing. And there’s a reason for the line’s popularity.

We’ve always known that breakups are devastating. But grief isn’t everything. This lovely duet tells us that they can also be beautiful.

The end can also be the beginning. Breakups offer couples a new start despite going their separate ways. They create space for new experiences that translate to growth and wisdom. We understand ourselves more, as well as our exes. This makes us better people, perhaps better partners in our future relationships.

Personal developments might even lead to reunions, just like the separated lovers in the song. They've had some realizations, encountered each other all in good time, and decided to give themselves a second chance. How bittersweet is that?

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The messages of these best breakup songs transcend time. Generations of broken hearts took to these songs for healing, guidance, and catharsis. You can, too.

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References:

Hodges, Donald, and Robin Wilkins. 2015. “How and Why Does Music Move Us?: Answers from Psychology and Neuroscience.” Music Educators Journal 10, no. 4 (June): 41-47. https://doi.org/10.1177/0027432115575755.

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