Mixtape for Mistakes: What the Best Breakup Songs Teach Us

How do you deal with a broken heart? 

Often, we can’t help crying in the park after a breakup or stop ourselves from singing away our pain.

We experience such complex emotions at this time. And even though we’re unlikely to understand them, we can somehow sing songs about them.

According to a 2015 study, one reason is that listening to our preferred music creates a sense of familiarity and safety in a chaotic period. So, many thanks to the artists who got their hearts broken and composed the best breakup songs for the world to hear.

An art born of a broken heart. Isn’t it a wonder that “art” rhymes, if not sounds entirely alike, with “heart”?

But philosophical questions aside, what do these good songs about breaking up tell us? Or better yet, what do they teach us? After all, they say each song has a story to tell, if

I took my love, I took it down Climbed a mountain and I turned around.

Right from the first lines of this soulful acoustic ballad, we encounter a landslide—pun unintended—of emotions. 

When we think about breakups, we mostly remember our youth or picture couples in the prime of their lives.

But a breakup can happen anytime, whether in the first few months of marriage or even in one’s golden years.

People sometimes turn around when they see a big change coming.

Well, I've been 'fraid of changin' 

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I'm gettin' older, too

I'm gettin' older, too

I’ve had enough of danger . . . 

This song shows us how hard it is to love again after experiencing multiple heartbreaks. We fear that opening our hearts again will destroy us once more. 

Yet how helpless are we to let ourselves fall in love again despite all the traumas? To fall for the false hope that things will be better this time? To give love one more try? Is it right to say we don’t ever learn? 

Perhaps that’s just how love is. It always makes us find ourselves hoping, and that’s all right.

The late, legendary English songwriter George Michael bore his heart out, singing these lines like a breakup poem:

And teacher

There are things

That I don't want to learn

Oh the last one I had

Made me cry

So I don't want to learn to

Hold you, touch you

Think that you're mine

Could the winter calm come twice

Because your heart seems so cold tonight

The premonition of a breakup usually causes more pain than the separation itself. It’s the stage when hearts grow cold, distant, and indifferent.

Each day, you can feel your partner turning away from your touches, and you find yourself not even putting up a fight.

You’re tired. Despite that, you feel a strange sense of relief. You’re thinking that, finally, you don’t have to care anymore. You just have to say your formal goodbyes.

You can see the end coming, and you can’t do anything to change it. The breakup seems inevitable.

That’s what this song is telling us. Accompanied by a soft rock tune, it foresees a couple’s last dance. 

I don't wanna be where you are

I don't wanna be here even now

I don't wanna be by your side

If something isn't right

Something isn't right

Troubled words of a troubled mind

I try to understand what is eating you

This is one of the best breakup songs, as it tackles a topic not many are willing to talk about—mental health struggles. 

Depression and schizophrenia, in particular, have ended many relationships. And this mournful, falsetto-heavy song tells us what it’s like to be with a mentally ill person. 

Unmet needs, communication breakdown, emotional distancing, and unavailability are a recipe for a breakup. While some let go at the first signs of instability, others stay until they can’t bear it anymore.

Here, the singer refers to the illness as a “black star,” a cosmic force he blames for destroying their relationship.

No matter how much he tries to fight it, his powers aren’t enough. The force overpowers him, and he’s fighting against it alone. Oh, the things we do for people we love! 

What are we coming to?

I just don't know anymore

Blame it on the black star

Blame it on the falling sky

Blame it on the satellite 

That beams me home

You broke my heart, then I was okay

All in good time

Can breakups be a beautiful human experience? The song answers, “All in good time.” 

You’ve likely read plenty of breakup quotes saying the same thing. And there’s a reason for the line’s popularity.

We’ve always known that breakups are devastating. But grief isn’t everything. This lovely duet tells us that they can also be beautiful. 

The end can also be the beginning. Breakups offer couples a new start despite going their separate ways. They create space for new experiences that translate to growth and wisdom. We understand ourselves more, as well as our exes. This makes us better people, perhaps better partners in our future relationships.

Personal developments might even lead to reunions, just like the separated lovers in the song. They've had some realizations, encountered each other all in good time, and decided to give themselves a second chance. How bittersweet is that?

All in good time, we'll remember when

Say our goodbyes and our hellos again

Huff, and we'll puff until they let us in

All in good time

The messages of these best breakup songs transcend time. Generations of broken hearts took to these songs for healing, guidance, and catharsis. You can, too.

References

Hodges, Donald, and Robin Wilkins. 2015. “How and Why Does Music Move Us?: Answers from Psychology and Neuroscience.” Music Educators Journal 10, no. 4 (June): 41-47. https://doi.org/10.1177/0027432115575755.