End the Toxic Cycle If You Don’t Wanna Break up Again

A relationship is something many people desire. They seek love, care, intimacy, and everything that comes with relationships—everyone yearns for a connection.

Unfortunately, there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. While some might succeed, others fail within days, weeks, months, or years. And this is mostly due to complacency, recklessness, and other relationship problems that the couple fails to address early on.

Many couples who part ways accept the breakup and move on from their relationships. However, there are also those who have become so attached to each other that no matter how many times they break up, they always find themselves getting back together, regardless of the reason for their breakup.

These are also known as "On-again, off-again" relationships. When they get back together, they usually don't wanna break up again. But because they're so used to the toxic dynamic of their relationship, they repeat the cycle of breaking up and getting back together indefinitely.

An on-again, off-again relationship (on-and-off relationship) is what happens when a couple keeps breaking up and reconciling.

This usually happens when a couple goes through a premature breakup or their relationship is placed on hiatus.

Normally, these relationships happen to toxic or inexperienced couples, or those who are living apart from each other.

According to Forbes, people experience on-and-off relationships due to:

• Lack of self-clarity

• Fear of being vulnerable to someone new

• Patterns of extreme emotional imbalance

• Lack of awareness between temporary and long-term happiness

• Dating anxiety

One key reason why most couples engage in on-and-off relationships is the comfort of familiarity. They’re afraid of the uncertainty that a new relationship brings.

Say you’re in a long-term relationship with your girlfriend of five years. It’s been a rocky journey, and you see no signs of improvement. Everything has been consistently an up-and-down struggle, and you’re unsure of your relationship’s future.

You're both in an on-and-off relationship—you break up, make up, and the cycle repeats. It’s apparent that both of you have become indifferent towards each other, but you still think there’s a chance to improve things.

“Should I break up with my partner?” Maybe it’s time you ended the relationship.

“But I don’t wanna break up again—we can make it work this time. I swear.”

You sound hopeful, but you have to understand that sometimes, holding on to something that you already know won’t last will only hurt you more than when you let it go.

It might take some relationships a second try to eventually succeed, but that's not a guarantee for all. Unless you can pinpoint the root cause of your relationship problem and work on yourselves, you'll just end up breaking up for the same reasons.

And what’s worse? The more frequent your breakups become, the more psychological issues you develop.

According to Medical News Today, adults who experience an “on-again and off-again” relationship develop anxiety and other psychological distress. In short, it’s a toxic and unhealthy dynamic.

On-again, off-again relationships can cause:

• Commitment issues

• Complacency

• Emotional frustration

• Trust Issues

• Abuse of tolerance

• Mental distress

• Jadedness and indifference towards relationships

While giving chances to each other after a breakup is normal, it becomes unhealthy when partners find themselves stuck in a seemingly unending cycle of breaking up and getting back together.

Understandably, you still love your partner. Feelings, especially for long-term couples, don’t go away easily. What you need to realize is that love isn’t enough to sustain your relationship—you need to look at the bigger picture so you can address your flaws.

A key indicator of an on-and-off relationship is the frequency of conflicts—quarreling with each other and then reconciling days after. This cycle becomes a problem when a couple gets back together and expects a different outcome when neither of them did anything to improve the relationship or themselves.

If you see this pattern, it’s better to prioritize peace of mind and end the relationship for good.

So, when should you talk about a breakup with your partner? Immediately after the first signs of toxicity: consistent conflicts, complacency, or unresolved issues.

Breaking things off is never easy; however, it is necessary for your well-being. An on-and-off relationship should be treated seriously—it’s not something a person can just leave and go back into. Otherwise, your mental health will be severely affected.

Wanting to get back together the first time you break up is normal; the second time is understandable, but more than that is already a sign of a toxic relationship cycle.

If this happens to you, don’t think twice about ending the relationship and going no contact with each other. This time of absence allows your emotions to settle, ensuring you make decisions with a level head.

More often than not, one reason why couples get back together despite the unhealthy dynamic is because of peer pressure and social stigma. They are afraid that people might see them as weak and unworthy of love, hence their partner left them. The question is, when should you tell people you broke up?

The answer is simple: You don’t. If you fear the judgmental eyes of society, you can choose to keep the breakup between yourselves. Nobody has to know. It is your life, after all. What’s important is that you end the toxicity of your dysfunctional relationship.

At this point, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, as long as you can break free from that never-ending cycle.

Letting go and moving on are the hardest parts of a relationship, especially for those in an on-and-off relationship. It’s become such a routine that you fear the uncertainty of ending things for good.

Ask yourself: What good is this relationship if it only causes anxiety and psychological issues?

It’s never too late to prioritize peace of mind. It’s not selfish to focus on yourself. And what better way to get out of an on-again, off-again relationship than to go no-contact?

References

Johnson, Jacquelyn, and Crystal Raypole. 2021. “On-and-Off Relationships: Do They Ever Work?” Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/on-and-off-relationship#making-a-decision.

Litner, Jennifer. 2025. “On-and-off relationships: The impact and more.” Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/on-and-off-relationships.

“On/Off Relationships: 2 Science-Backed Reasons You Keep Going Back For More.” 2023.https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2023/07/06/onoff-relationships-2-science-backed-reasons-you-keep-going-back-for-more/.