Should You End Your Relationship Through a Breakup Text?

It’s Not Okay If…

A breakup in itself carries a different level of pain. Ending a relationship via text is just like adding salt to the wound.

You can’t properly convey your message.

Text messages are often impersonal because they don’t show the nuances and expressions of the people involved.

If you think that words on a screen won’t suffice for understanding, you should consider telling your message in person.

It won’t give you closure.

Breaking up over text doesn’t give you and your partner space to process your feelings. Your final goodbye is cut and dry.

You’re running away from the problem.

You’re not giving your partner a chance to explain their side. This can be cowardly of you. It only goes to show that you’re not mature enough.

It’s Okay If…

Sometimes, a breakup text is an acceptable way to end a relationship. It can even be a great idea.

There’s a threat to your physical safety.

According to psychology professor Morgan Cope, breaking up over text is acceptable if doing so in person would put you in harm’s way. Why would you want to risk showing yourself to someone who’ll hurt you at the first chance they get?

Meeting in person is unproductive.

Julia Ries Wexler, a writer at SELF, states that she always thought breakup text messages were callous.

But when her friend, nicknamed Amy, cut ties with her boyfriend over text, she gave her full support. She recalled that the couple had countless conversations about how to make their relationship work. But they would still have the same argument. With no improvements, Amy called it quits via text.

If you’re in the same situation as her, you’re better off sending a coherent and concise breakup message.

You have a history of mental health issues.

Therapist Claudia Giolitti-Wright says that conditions like PTSD or social anxiety can hinder your ability to confront your partner. Sending a text helps you avoid any triggers while also initiating the breakup process.

#1: Start with a greeting and appreciation.

Don’t start with an enthusiastic greeting like “Hey!” when you’re about to pull the plug on your relationship. Address them by their name, as if you’re writing a letter.

Say your thanks for everything they did for you. This isn’t to soften the blow. It’s to acknowledge the time you’ve spent together.

#2: State your reason.

Don’t beat around the bush. Tell them why you’re ending things so they won’t have false hopes. Don’t play the blame game and enumerate their faults.

#3: Shut the door gently.

Since this is a breakup, make it clear that this is permanent. But at the same time, don’t forget to wish them well.