What are the typical emotional stages one goes through during a breakup?

Breakups often involve a rollercoaster of emotions. The stages of grief in a breakup may include **shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance**. It's important to remember that these stages are not necessarily linear, and you may experience them in different orders [1].

How can you recognize the 'shock' stage of a breakup?

The shock stage is like being hit by a truck, leaving you feeling **astounded and numb** [2]. You might not immediately feel the pain and sadness because you're still processing the news. It's a sudden realization that can feel overwhelming [2, 3].

What does the 'denial' stage of a breakup typically involve?

In the denial stage, you might **refuse to accept that the relationship is over** [3]. You might wish to undo everything, convince your partner there's still a chance, and resist acknowledging that the relationship is ending [3, 4].

Why might a person feel 'anger' during a breakup?

Anger during a breakup stems from confusion and frustration. You might **shift the blame to your partner,** point out their flaws, and even engage in irrational behavior [4, 5]. It’s a destructive phase where emotions are heightened [5].

Is it a good idea to try to get back with an ex after a breakup?

The article strongly advises against returning to an ex. Instead, it recommends using the separation as an opportunity for **self-improvement, rediscovering yourself, and healing**. It emphasizes that there is no rush to find a new partner and that you should take the time to recover [6].

The Stages in a Breakup: Exploring Tragedy through Grief

Knowing the stages in a breakup allows you to navigate a heartbreak with an open mind.

Breaking up is an unavoidable fact in relationships. After all, you take the bad with the good, right? The fear of an eventual breakup even causes some people to give up on dating altogether. They know the bitter feeling of letting go of someone they loved and the grueling fate they will have to endure afterward.

But you don't have to let that fear control your life. Arm yourself with the knowledge to better understand breakups and learn how to navigate them properly. Because the bitter truth is, there is no success without failure. You have to stumble so you can learn to get back up on your feet. To succeed in love, experiencing heartbreak is necessary.

To help ease the pain of the experience, allow us to give you an understanding of what happens when a relationship is strained and a breakup is inevitable.

The Stages in a Breakup

You’d think that going through a breakup is just “Hey we should break up. Okay bye” and then proceed to live life normally. How we wished it were that easy—sadly it’s not the case.

Depending on the situation, it can sometimes get messy or wild, or, depending on the maturity level of both parties, it can be dramatic, blunt, or genuinely sad.

A breakup is a rollercoaster of emotions. To understand it better, here’s a list of the phases of grief in a breakup that you might go through. Note that this isn’t necessarily linear, and you may experience one before the other:

Shock

“I’ve been thinking a lot about us… it’s time we should break up”

Imagine being told the worst news in your life, at the worst possible time. That’s how it’s going to feel. Like a truck ramming through an unsuspecting deer on the highway, you feel a huge hit in your ego—wondering where this is all coming from.

You wouldn’t realize the pain and sadness until later on because you’re still so astounded by the news. Even if you know your relationship was already on a downward spiral, you still can’t help but feel how suddenly the news is brought up.

It all comes crashing down on you and you have no idea how nor the time to process all this information you’re receiving. Truth be told, most men would be in a state of shock for a long time until they break down.

Denial

“No… we can’t break up now… I thought there was a chance”

Denial is surely not a river, but your tears will be falling like one. You can’t help but wish to undo everything and deny what’s happening. You won’t accept the fact that your time with your partner is over.

Your thoughts are like, “It was going so well” or “I thought we were making progress again.” You keep telling your partner that there’s still a chance and you are on pace to make things better again. But sadly, it doesn’t work that way.

Once your partner is convinced they no longer want to be in a relationship, it’s time to face the music and acknowledge that you and your partner are no longer a thing anymore.

Anger

“Why now?!... What do you mean—what do all those years mean to you?!”

Naturally, with all this confusion and frustration, you’d want to burst out. All your frustrations from your efforts and previous fights are rushing through your nerves; a stimulus activating your fight response, wanting to rage over everything.

Suddenly you want to fight your partner, shifting all the blame towards them. Being blinded by rage, you point out their flaws and whatever mistakes they made just to prove you were “patient” enough with them.

It’s during this stage of a breakup where people are at their most uncontrollable. Sometimes, it wouldn’t be a full-blown rage, it can be quiet. Some drink their sorrows away because they’re angry at what’s happening. Some would even do irrational things out of anger and spite.

This stage is the most destructive.

Bargaining

“Maybe I can do this… I can probably have her back–turn this around and start over again”

Once your anger subsides, you’re left with clarity; you get to see what has happened, and now you’re regretting your past decisions. You wished that you had done something, thinking it would have made a significant change in the course of the relationship.

This is usually an internal struggle between you and yourself. Blaming yourself for what you’ve done or your inaction. But what can you do now? All it leaves you with is sadness and depression.

Depression

“I can’t handle thinking my ex with someone else! Baby, please don’t do this to me!”

This stage is the hardest to get out of. For years and many more, people are still stuck; depressed about the breakup that shook them to their core. They’re letting reality sink in—burdening themselves with guilt and shame. It’s noticeable that people would let their brains go on autopilot because of too much sadness happening in their lives.

If you ever find yourself in this position, don’t hesitate to find some company to help shed that sadness. You have friends, family, and professionals who can help you overcome your depression.

Acceptance

“She’s out of my life and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry”

Congratulations on getting out of the depression stage of your breakup. You’ve finally accepted the fact that your relationship didn’t work out. It’s at this stage where you are now fully aware of what’s happening, but wounds are still fresh from the breakup, so you’re still vulnerable to anything that reminds you of your partner.

Knowing you split up is different from acknowledging you’ve broken up with your partner. Having full awareness is the first step to moving on from your partner.

What Now?

What should you do after going through the stages in a breakup? Should you return to your ex and ask them to come back?

NO.

Let them live their lives now that they’ve separated from you—and so should you. You are now free to do the things you couldn’t do. Rediscover yourself and practice introspection to aid in your self-improvement.

Take your time to heal, to learn, and to pick up the pieces that were broken. No one’s rushing you to get another partner. Love is not a race. You have all the time in the world; use it well.