Is an LDR Relationship for You? | Questions to Ask Yourself

“How comfortable am I with physical distance and the absence of regular in-person contact?”

Humans are social creatures. Physical touch and presence are vital in making connections and feeling loved.

Asking yourself this question reveals how much you value and rely on these aspects of a romantic relationship. If physical intimacy and frequent in-person interactions are very important to you, adjusting to a relationship with little to no physical contact can be difficult.

It’s not about whether you can do it but about understanding the potential impact it can have on your well-being and relationship, as well as whether you are prepared and willing to face those challenges.

Setting more realistic expectations for yourself and your partner requires you to honestly assess your level of comfort when it comes to these things.

“What are my expectations in terms of communication frequency and style?”

People's natural communication styles and relationship needs vary. While some prefer more focused, infrequent interactions, others thrive on quick check-ins and constant updates.

Imagine expecting daily hour-long video calls while your partner expects a few text messages throughout the day and a longer call once a week. These mismatched expectations can quickly lead to feelings changing after moving into an LDR.

By clarifying your needs and preferences ahead of time, you can reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings and resentment.

“Are we both willing to find creative ways to connect and spend time together virtually?”

Physical distance gives couples limited options in terms of quality time. There aren’t a lot of opportunities for spontaneous dates, cuddle sessions on the couch, or errands to run together.

Without a willingness to get creative, an LDR relationship can easily become monotonous and unsatisfying.

According to clinical psychologist Chris Mosunic, technology can help bridge the gap in LDRs through regular phone calls, voice notes, and virtual dates. You can also make use of Between, iScreen, Obimy, and other fun apps for long-distance relationships.

If you find ways to share your daily life with your partner, even remotely, the distance can be more manageable. Applying creativity keeps things fresh and interesting, giving you both something to look forward to.

“How comfortable am I with spending so much time alone?”

A long-distance relationship, by definition, involves significantly more time spent alone. Your partner won’t be available for daily companionship and shared activities. Understanding how you typically cope with solitude is essential.

Learning how to get a long-distance relationship to work requires independence and self-sufficiency. You must be capable of managing your daily life, pursuing your hobbies, and seeking fulfillment outside of your partner's immediate physical presence.

“How effectively can I cope with uncertainty and delayed gratification?”

An LDR relationship introduces a lot of uncertainties.

Travel plans can get disrupted, schedules can have conflicts, and the lack of daily physical presence can sometimes cause anxiety. How you handle these unknowns and tolerate delays without becoming resentful or disheartened is crucial.

By asking yourself this question, you can prepare for possible stressors and create healthy coping mechanisms. You can determine whether you have the patience to deal with all the challenges while keeping a positive attitude and a close relationship with your partner.

“How can a long-distance relationship fit into my long-term goals?”

Thinking about how an LDR aligns with your long-term goals ensures that this serious commitment does not derail your plans in life. You need to confirm that you are both moving in the same direction, even if you are separated by thousands of miles.

If your long-term goals are incompatible with the realities of a long-distance relationship or with your partner's long-term goals, there may be significant conflict and resentment in your future.

For example, if your job requires you to stay in one place while your partner's job requires them to relocate indefinitely, you must consider how you intend to bridge that gap.

“Will we be able to visit each other?”

The logistics and feasibility of seeing each other in person are things you should be able to discuss with your LDR partner. Spending quality time together is vital in maintaining intimacy and the sense of a "real" relationship, despite your arrangement.

If visiting is simply not feasible due to financial constraints, geographic distance, or other significant barriers, you must identify these potential deal-breakers early in the relationship.

This can save you both from making significant emotional investments in a situation that may not be sustainable in the long run.

“How well do we manage conflict and resolve our issues?”

Any relationship will inevitably experience conflict, but in an LDR, the distance and lack of immediate physical presence can intensify miscommunications and complicate problems.

There can be a delay in response, or the tone of a text message can be misinterpreted.

The key to keeping these conflicts from getting worse is knowing how you both usually handle disagreements. By understanding your conflict management styles, you can develop strategies especially suited to your relationship.

This includes establishing clear communication guidelines for discussing disagreements, scheduling virtual "check-ins" to address issues, or establishing rules for taking breaks during heated discussions.