How do you know if someone is just dating you for money?

You can't always immediately tell someone's real intentions, as some individuals are skilled at hiding them [1]. Building relationships takes time and requires stable foundations like trust [1]. Paying attention to critical signs is key to uncovering the truth and protecting yourself [2]. If it turns out the other person has ulterior motives, everything you've worked hard for could be jeopardized [1].

What are the key signs that someone might be a "gold digger"?

Several signs can indicate someone is dating for money. These include a sense of entitlement, acting as though they are owed things without needing to put in effort [3]. There might be a glaring social disparity between you, making them appear "out of your league," suggesting a hidden agenda [4]. They may show an obsession with power to manipulate others [5], and greed, viewing money as an ultimate equalizer and status symbol [5]. Such individuals are often materialistic, demanding luxurious items and disliking simple ones [6]. They can also exhibit envy towards those with higher standing [6] and jealousy, potentially acting against people they see as threats to their plans [7]. Finally, a key sign is the avoidance of paying for items, always finding ways to escape financial responsibility [7].

Can men also be "gold diggers"?

While the stereotypical image of someone dating for money is a young woman seeking a richer man, a gold digger can be anybody, and men are just as capable of this behavior [8, 9]. Some may even pursue social standing instead of just money, a behavior referred to as "throning" [9].

Can dating for money happen even outside of scam sites or online platforms?

Yes, individuals who date for money exist both online and offline [9]. You should rethink the idea that they are only found lurking around scammer sites [9]. It's important to be mindful of who you interact with on dating platforms and even in person to ensure your safety [9].

What are the best ways to protect myself from someone dating for money?

To ensure a safe date, you can take several measures [10]. Observe and assess their words and actions closely for any inconsistencies, as even one miscue might reveal their true intentions [10]. Talk to them by asking questions and clearly expressing what you're looking for; vague, hesitant, or tense answers can be a red flag [11]. Have a support system by telling your family and friends about your romantic prospects, as their advice could be very helpful [11, 12]. Most importantly, go with your gut feeling if something seems off; your brain acts as a threat detector, and these instincts are worth listening to [12].

How Do You Know Someone’s Just Dating for Money?

Are they in love or dating for money?

We can’t tell a person’s real intentions from the jump. Some wear their hearts on their sleeves, but others are good at hiding it. Similarly, in dating, we sometimes don’t know if matches genuinely like us or are only dating for money.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither are relationships. They take time to shape, as they require stable foundations, with trust being one of them. Everything you've worked hard for goes down the drain if it turns out the other person has ulterior motives.

With this, you can never be too safe in love and finances.

Deciphering the Money-Hungry Daters

Love is supposed to be pure, but gold diggers taint it with their greed.

These people are willing to do anything to gain wealth. Often, they fake their feelings to establish a relationship. Cue the grand favors and various manipulation tactics.

The stereotypical image of someone dating for money is a young woman chasing an older and richer man. She either waits out his passing to gain his inheritance, divorces him and gets money through legal proceedings, or stays with him and takes advantage without reciprocating.

But a gold digger can be anybody. Men are just as capable of this behavior. Some even go beyond money and chase after social standing.

An Indy100 report calls this “throning.” Daters put someone on a “throne,” only to use them as a means to an end rather than appreciating them as people.

These daters exist both online and offline. If you think they’re only lurking around scammer sites, you may want to rethink that.

Your safety is your priority, so be mindful of your chosen dating platforms and who you interact with, even in person.

Signs of a Gold Digger

How can you tell if someone is a money-hungry dater on the prowl? These signs should be enough to warn you of the potential danger lying ahead.

1. Entitlement

Call it narcissism, but gold-digging daters tend to act that way. They believe they’re entitled to anything they want without lifting a finger. They expect people to get their memo without asking for anything in return.

Unfortunately, dating doesn’t work that way. Genuine relationships are two-way streets, requiring reciprocal efforts from both parties.

2. Out of your league

We’re our own worst critics, but some people genuinely think they’re below a certain sect. This difference is why they’re punching above their weight (for lack of a better descriptor). If there’s a glaring social disparity between two matches, there’s a chance that someone has another agenda on the board.

Gold diggers are willing to go to extremes, like organizing online relationship scams, to get what they want.

3. Obsession with power

Power is alluring. But it can be dangerous when you have too much of it.

Gold-digging daters want whatever power they can grasp to manipulate their targets. The more control they have, the better the odds of leveling up.

4. Greed

If power is tempting, so is money. Not only does it give purchasing power, but it’s also a status symbol. Having lots of it undoubtedly puts us in favorable positions in life.

Gold diggers view money as the ultimate equalizer. They will do whatever they can to get their hands on it, even if it means dirtying their hands and setting up online relationship scams.

These daters tend to be materialistic as well. They demand the finer things and despise the simple ones. Anything less than luxurious is abhorrent in their eyes.

5. Envy

Gold diggers want to be at the top of the pyramid. But given their reality, their goal is a bit of a reach.

They often compare themselves to others of higher social standing, ultimately making them feel less satisfied with what they currently have. They want others' talent, traits, fortune, and lifestyle instead of their own.

6. Jealousy

Envy and jealousy are different concepts. Both harbor negativity, but the former doesn’t have hostility. The latter leads them to do things rational people wouldn’t. They won’t hesitate to move against people who, in their eyes, pose threats to their plans.

7. Avoidance of paying for items

Financial responsibility is an obligation gold diggers avoid. They will always find ways to get out of it. If someone keeps doing this, chances are, they’re just using you.

How to Ensure a Safe Date

Think of gold diggers as wolves in sheep’s clothing. They’re innocent and genuine at first and only show their true colors later.

This makes it impossible to entirely avoid them (unless you’re an accurate judge of character at first glance). However, you can take measures to ensure a safe date.

#1: Observe and assess

People are complex (yes, including gold diggers). Don’t stop and take things at face value.

Pay attention to a match’s words and actions to catch any inconsistencies. One miscue may give them away. They may be the scammer your friends and family warned you not to fall for.

#2: Talk

You won’t know who you’re dealing with if you don’t communicate. Ask questions and express yourself clearly. This way, they’ll get to know you and what you’re looking for from the get-go.

If they keep giving you vague answers, you might as well be talking to a wall. Consider that a red flag, especially if they’re constantly hesitant and tense.

#3: Have a support system

Your dating experiences are yours, but that doesn’t mean you should be a complete recluse. While you shouldn’t reveal every minute detail, telling your family and friends about your romantic prospects is encouraged.

Your loved ones are there for a reason, so don’t leave them in the dark. Their advice may save you in the long run.

#4: Go with your gut

If you sense something odd, don’t brush it off. Our brains serve as threat detectors. While it may not be accurate 100% of the time, its warnings stem from our primal instincts and a need to survive. These reasons alone make it worth it to hear them out.

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Avoid matches who are only dating for money. No one deserves to experience a stressful ordeal and the aftermath that comes with it.

Reference:

Butler, Sinead. 2024. “What Is ‘Throning’? The Latest Dating Trend Explained.” Indy100. https://www.indy100.com/lifestyle/throning-dating-trend-explained-2669621511.