The Heartbreak Heist: How to Tell If You’re Being Scammed

The Relationship Moves Too Fast

This is a significant red flag in romance scams. The quick pace is intended to establish a strong emotional bond and a sense of dependency while also overwhelming you with affection.

For example, before you've even met in person, they already start talking about a future together, give you a ton of praise, and declare their love for you. They may say things like, "You're my soulmate," or "I've never met anyone like you before."

This reinforces the feeling that you’ve found someone special, so you’re less likely to question their motives.

They Seem “Too Perfect”

Romance scammers meticulously create personas to appeal to their targets.

They use a tactic known as "mirroring," in which they claim to share all of your hobbies, moral values, and dreams for the future. They also seem to express affection in exactly the way you want to be cared for.

Can some girls look too cute to scam you? Unfortunately, yes. A scammer's profile pictures are often professionally taken and extremely attractive, and they may appear to be models or public figures.

If someone you meet online appears to be unbelievably perfect, proceed with caution. Slow down, ask probing questions, and do your own research.

Remember the old saying: if something appears too good to be true, it probably is.

They Have Many Excuses for Not Meeting or Video Calling

This is a critical tactic romance scammers employ to maintain their deception. They do this because they aren’t exactly who they say they are.

A video call would instantly reveal their true identity, age, gender, location, and even their accent, which would help you learn how to tell if you’re being scammed.

Additionally, they have no real interest in developing a relationship with you because their only objective is financial exploitation, which makes them uninterested in meeting you in person.

Keep an eye out for the following excuses: they have a broken camera; they are too shy; they are working overseas, serving in the military, or on a humanitarian assignment; or they just can't afford to fly to see you because of scheduling conflicts or lack of funds.

They Ask for Personal Information or Financial Support

While money is the primary goal, romance scammers may also seek personal information in order to commit identity theft, enhance their deception, or blackmail you.

They may ask you for your full name and address, social security number, bank account details, phone number, and even intimate photos and videos.

Furthermore, their requests for money frequently represent the pinnacle of their trust-building and love bombing tactics. They will fabricate a dramatic crisis that can only be resolved with your money, like medical emergencies, travel issues, business problems, or investment opportunities.

It’s important to remember that these requests often begin modestly and grow in scope later on.

Their Story Doesn’t Add Up

If you pay close attention, you’ll notice that small details in their stories change over time. For this reason, it's best to be extremely attentive when conversing with someone online.

For example, they might say they grew up in one city and then later mention another. Their job title or even hobbies might subtly shift as you get to know each other more deeply.

If you ask for specific details, they’ll often become vague or deflect. When asked what company they work for, for example, they typically respond with things like, "It's a small company. You wouldn't know it," or "I work freelance; it's complicated."

Do a Reverse Image Search

In an article published by the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), Ken Budd describes a reverse image search as an online tool that reveals information such as when and where a photo was taken, who took it, and where it appears online.

With Google Image Search, you can do this by clicking the camera icon and dragging or uploading an image of your choice. You can also paste a specific image URL.

This can be done in 30 seconds or less. It enables you to detect potential fraud early in the relationship, before you become too emotionally invested or, more importantly, before you decide to give your money away.

Talk to a Trusted Friend or Family Member

When your gut tells you something is wrong, you don't have to keep everything to yourself. Having someone you can ask advice from who can provide you with outside viewpoints is better.

People who know you well can offer a crucial reality check. They can remind you to exercise caution, point out how out of character certain behaviors are, or emphasize how quickly and unusually this "relationship" has developed.

Try to listen with an open mind, even if their points of view differ from yours. Remember, they have the advantage of not being emotionally compromised.

Report the Account to the Platform or to the Authorities

You’re probably wondering: “How do I report a romance scammer?”

Don’t worry, you have several options available.

First, you can choose to report the account immediately to the platform where you are both communicating. There is usually an icon (typically three dots or a flag) that allows you to report the user.

Second, if you believe it’s necessary to contact the authorities, particularly if you have lost money or provided sensitive information, you can begin with your local police department. In order for them to carry out an investigation, they have to receive an official report.

Third, you can go to federal agencies. There are specialized agencies for fraud and cybercrime in many countries. If you live in the United States, you can report cases of fraud to the Federal Trade Commission's (FTC) website at reportfraud.ftc.gov or the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) website at www.ic3.gov.

Lastly, if you sent money via bank transfer, credit card, or money transfer apps, you should immediately contact your bank to see if the transaction can be stopped or reversed.