What does the 3-month rule mean in a relationship?

In relationships, the 3-month rule is seen as a milestone rather than a trial. Around the three-month mark, couples often transition from the honeymoon phase into a more stable and authentic connection where goals, compatibility, and long-term direction become clearer.

Why do people follow the 3-month dating rule?

People follow the 3-month dating rule because it allows them to avoid making rushed decisions during the honeymoon phase and gives them time to evaluate compatibility. Experts note that the exploratory stage of dating typically lasts around three months.

Does the 3-month rule work for everyone?

No. While the 3-month rule in dating works for some, it creates pressure for others. Every relationship has its own pace, and following a strict timeline can cause people to miss out on meaningful connections or end promising relationships too early.

What should you do instead of following the 3-month rule?

Instead of relying on the 3-month rule, focus on the present, respect your non-negotiables, and pay attention to relationship patterns. Dating should be guided by communication, values, and mutual needs, not by a calendar deadline.

Stop Following the 3-Month Rule; Here’s Why

Q: What is the 3-month rule in dating?

The 3-month rule in dating suggests that 90 days is the ideal trial period to get to know someone before making a decision about commitment. Many daters see it as a free trial—if things work, you continue; if not, you move on without wasting more time.

Do away with the 3-month rule. Replace it with better practices.

Modern dating and relationships come with their conventions and rules. Scrolling through tips and advice online can feel like listening to lectures. And sometimes, it can be confusing, with different talks offering contrasting content.

One popular subject of discussion is the 3-month rule.

The concept has long existed, but with social media platforms like TikTok, more people are sharing their takes. Some swear by it, saying it saved them trouble and time. Others think daters should ditch it.

But what is this dating/relationship rule, and should you follow it?

What Is the 3-Month Rule in Dating?

This 3-month rule in dating suggests that 90 days is the sweet spot for getting to know someone. Think of it as a free trial.

If you like what you see, you can extend the “subscription.” The rule doesn’t guarantee you an endgame, but you can wait some more to see where you’re heading.

If not, you can end the connection. Disappointment is normal, but you’re doing yourself and your match a favor. Instead of prolonging the misery, you move on without any hangups.

The origin of this rule remains unknown. Some say the concept was born in advice columns and dating forums, where people noticed a pattern of connections either fading or strengthening after 3 months. Others believe it stems from pop culture, especially rom-com films, where daters reach a decisive moment at the 3-month mark.

What Is the 3-Month Rule in a Relationship?

Daisy Jones, features editor at British Vogue, states that sometimes, you learn how to be in a relationship when you’re already in it.

In this case, the 3-month rule isn’t a trial period but a milestone indicator. As the honeymoon phase fades, a couple naturally transitions to a more stable and authentic connection. They become more intimate and involved and start discussing their goals.

Why Do People Follow This Rule?

One, they want to make choices with a clear head. Admittedly, the honeymoon phase can be intense. The chemical rush intensifies excitement, but it can dampen the usually sharp senses. They know the high doesn’t last, so they want to hold off on deciding anything while in a euphoric state.

And two, they want to take things slow despite the quick turnaround.

Relational and sexual communication professor Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn states that a couple’s exploratory phase typically goes on for three months. They’re getting to know each other, but not necessarily in a deeper context. They know there’s a connection, but they’re unsure whether there’s compatibility.

Following the rule benefits them in the long term. They can take time to answer their questions and enjoy the experience.

This Rule Doesn’t Always Apply

In theory, the 3-month rule makes so much sense. You can learn about another person within that period. If there’s no attraction or your personalities clash, you won’t magically work out together.

But the rule isn’t always great in practice. Here’s why:

It Creates Too Much Pressure

Love isn’t a numbers game. And with that, the 3-month dating rule isn't always the solution to finding great matches.

Some people don’t want a calendar floating over their heads and pressuring them to commit. They prefer taking their time to get to know fellow daters.

Don’t feel like following the 3-month dating rule? Break it!

Everyone Leads Different Lives

We have our own circumstances. For some, their personal matters leave them incapable of commitment. Whether it’s family problems or self-esteem issues, three months can be too short to figure things out.

Similarly, relationships have different timelines. Some couples hit the cohabitation milestone early on, while others have to wait a few years.

You’re Selling Yourself Short

Following this rule may seem logical, but you might miss out on connections and experiences. You might ruin a good thing before it even begins.

It can also be a waste of time. Normally, you wouldn’t stay in directionless situations, yes? Apply that logic to dating and relationships. You don’t have to torture yourself by staying in a miserable setup for the sake of following a timeline.

Your Take Isn’t the Only One That Matters

What if one party doesn’t want to follow the rule? You have autonomy, but they should also have their say.

What Should You Do?

Connections are ever-changing. The best thing to do is throw the 3-month rule out the window. Replace it with these few things that can benefit your love life.

Focus on the Present

Take things as they come. In your relationship, for example, ask yourself, what works for both of you? Are you both meeting your needs? Is the relationship satisfying? Where do you both stand in each other’s lives?

Dr. Tara states that an introspective approach and consistent communication can reduce much uncertainty.

Stand By Your Non-Negotiables

Don’t let calendars dictate how you navigate things with your current match or partner (or, by extension, your love life overall). Instead, let your non-negotiables be the captain of the ship.

Say you’re seeing someone who has marriage and kids as their non-negotiables, and those two things aren’t in your pipeline for the near future. It’s best to end things as soon as possible.

Saying goodbye may hurt now, but it’s better in the long run. Don’t question your needs and gaslight yourself into following their ideal timeline. And don’t wait for them to flip the switch and hold off on wedded bliss and family life either. Since they’re non-negotiables, they won’t change any time soon.

Observe Patterns

If you're already seeing red flags in week one, why should you wait three months to end it?

Let’s say your match constantly shows up late on dates. Or, your partner often doesn’t follow through with their promises. What does their behavior tell you?

It tells you all you need to know—their priorities, values, and beliefs. Mistakes are one thing, but whether they’re a pattern is another.

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The 3-month rule has limitations, and not everyone can work around them. But since it’s not a strict rule, let your gut take the lead, and don’t rush. Let things play out naturally. Love isn’t a contest.

References

Jones, Daisy. 2025. “It’s Time to Leave the ‘3-Month Rule’ in the Past.” Vogue. https://www.vogue.com/article/3-month-rule-dating.

Meister, Sydney. 2025. “What is TikTok’s “3-Month Rule” in Dating?” PureWow. https://www.purewow.com/wellness/tiktok-3-month-rule.