Are personality traits more important than physical looks when looking for a partner for marriage?

Yes, according to the sources, personality is valued over good looks by people in about 20 countries, based on a 2017 international study by YouGov [6]. Women consistently valued personality more than men [6]. The sources suggest that while focusing on looks might be tempting, practicing good traits like integrity, faithfulness, genuine personality, and thoughtfulness is actually more attractive to the right people [5, 7].

How does embodying integrity help in finding and keeping a marriage partner?

Integrity involves holding true to your commitments, sticking to your word, and facing responsibilities [1]. It includes defining your values, saying "no" to the "pleasure principle" (getting what you want when you want it, which lacks fulfillment), and living your truth by being honest with yourself and your partner [11, 12]. Demonstrating integrity builds trust with your future partner, which is essential for healthy, lasting relationships [2, 12].

What does faithfulness mean in the context of seeking a committed relationship or marriage?

Being a faithful partner means being trustworthy and committed [2]. While distinct from loyalty (which is one-sided), faithfulness involves doing things with your partner in mind [13]. A faithful man establishes and maintains strong emotional connections, seeks shared values, and addresses challenges together with his partner [2]. The sources state that mutual trust is the foundation for stronger relationships and that embodying faithfulness to family, commitments, and values even before a romantic relationship demonstrates this virtue [3, 13].

How can being a "genuine person" make me more attractive to women looking for a husband?

Genuine people live by their actions, are comfortable being themselves, and don't need to show off [3]. They are okay with the fact that not everyone will like them [14]. They are open-minded, approachable, willing to ask for help, and entertain new ideas, without passing judgment without consideration [14]. Their decisions and fulfillment come from their own values, not others' opinions, allowing them to follow their own paths [14]. This authenticity and self-assurance, stemming from personal values, makes a person more attractive by demonstrating confidence and a strong sense of self [14].

How does practicing thoughtfulness contribute to becoming a better partner and attracting someone for marriage?

Thoughtfulness involves paying attention to another person’s needs, preferences, and dislikes [4]. It is about choosing to express kindness guided by empathy and carefully considering how your actions affect others [4]. Practicing thoughtfulness requires active listening to appreciate others' perspectives and feelings, even if different from your own, and avoiding impulsive reactions [4, 9]. It involves pausing and thinking before responding and asking questions to understand people better [9]. By making others feel cared for through thoughtful actions, you naturally draw people to you and become a more desirable partner [9, 10].

Good Qualities for Men and How You Can Embody Them

Q: What key character qualities does the source recommend men develop to attract a good partner for a lasting relationship?

The source highlights four important characteristics men should possess: integrity, faithfulness, genuine personality, and thoughtfulness [8]. Developing character based on integrity, faithfulness, genuine personality, and thoughtfulness is suggested instead of just focusing on building muscle [7]. Embodying these virtues can naturally draw people to you and make you a more desirable partner [9, 10].

Happy man dancing, depicting the good qualities for men

Practicing good qualities for men makes you a better man in general and attracts the right people

What does it mean to be a good man? Well, most of us have been taught that it goes beyond surface appearances. Instead of just building muscle, think of it as building character based on integrity, faithfulness, genuine personality, and thoughtfulness.

Possessing good qualities for men or being a good person in general makes you a positive addition to your community. Not only that, but it also allows you to maintain a healthy mindset. You’re better able to handle adversity and appreciate the good things in life.

But you might also be wondering how all this plays into attraction. Can good qualities be enough to attract the right women?

While it’s tempting to believe that practicing these traits is the secret to dating success, that’s probably an idealistic notion. People want to know more about what eye colour is the most attractive rather than if their date has nice manners, right?

Yet the numbers suggest otherwise. Based on the results of an international study conducted by YouGov in 2017, people in about 20 countries value personality over good looks. The study even noted that women were consistently more pro-personality than men.

This must sound encouraging to men who think their looks are just average. But this is also good news to those who still need more character growth.

Good traits aren't always qualities you're born with. They often require ongoing effort and conscious development.

People are essentially works in progress when it comes to embodying these virtues.

Exploring the Top Good Qualities for Men

What do you think are the features that make a person attractive?

Perhaps you’ve been asked that question before. And you’ve probably painted a picture of that ideal person in mind.

We all search for a good partner, don’t we? But that’s not all that dating and relationships are about. If you’re looking for a good partner with whom you’ll form a lasting relationship, you must also be that ideal partner.

Man playing guitar, showing features that make a person attractive

More than looks, there are genuine features that make a person attractive

Don’t just content yourself with searching “body language attraction” online to learn how to show interest or recognize it in others.

You need to work on improving yourself and setting standards you can meet.

To help you become a man of good character, we’ve listed four of the most important characteristics you need to possess:

Integrity

In practice, integrity is an individual's act of holding true to their commitments. This ability to keep their promises and intentions is voluntary.

Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one’s watching. It’s about sticking to your word and facing your responsibilities.

Since you’re still testing the waters of the dating pool, this is the perfect time to work on your integrity.

How can you embody integrity?

You shouldn’t look at dating and relationships as a game. They require hard work.

Define your values. Going back to the definition, integrity refers to the act of staying true to your commitments and values.

Defining what is most important to you can make your choices clearer. Your values make up who you are and influence your relationships. It’s time you think through your values carefully.
Say “no” to the Pleasure Principle. In dating, this principle is all about getting what you want, when you want it, and because you want it. It might even cause you to cross boundaries.

And when you’re done wanting it, you’ll walk away. The problem with the “pleasure principle” is that there’s very little fulfillment in that.

Choose to do the right thing for your relationship. It will be worth it in the long run.
Live your truth. Truth is the foundation for integrity. It goes beyond knowing your goals and preferences, dislikes, and pain points.

Be honest with your partner just as you want them to be honest with you. And, most importantly, be honest with yourself.

Remember that in healthy relationships, deception is not only undesirable, it’s unnecessary.

If you’re able to demonstrate integrity toward yourself, think about how much trust you can build with your future partner!

Faithfulness

What does it mean to be a faithful partner?

A faithful man is trustworthy and committed to his partner. He establishes and maintains strong emotional connections, seeks shared values and helps to build them, and addresses challenges together with his partner.

Essentially, a faithful man focuses on his relationship and keeps his word for the good of his bonds.

Here’s the catch: faithfulness is not the same as loyalty. They’re similar, but they’re not the same.

Loyalty is one-sided, whereas faithfulness is both-sided. It means that a person can be loyal, but when they want to be faithful, they will do it, having you in mind.

~ Dr. Callisto Adams, Marriage and Family Therapist

How to embody faithfulness

Mutual trust is the foundation for stronger relationships. You can show faithfulness even when you’re not yet in a committed romantic relationship.

In platonic friendships, you can show faithfulness by being a supportive and trustworthy friend. Stick around to offer your friends help when they need it.

Before committing to a romantic relationship, you should start embodying the virtue of faithfulness to your family, commitments, and values.

Caring for the needs of your loved ones, showing consistent affection, and keeping your promises to them are actions that show you’re faithful.

Genuine Personality

In his article published in 2019, "On Being Genuine," Dr. Jim Collins describes genuine people as living by their actions and not simply their words. They are comfortable with being themselves and don’t need to show off.

How to be a genuine person?

These are the habits of a genuine person on average:

Genuine people know that not everyone will like them, and they’re okay with that. They don’t try hard to please anyone if they realize those people aren’t worth pleasing.
People living their authentic selves are open-minded. They don’t pass judgment without consideration. They are approachable and willing to ask for help and to entertain new ideas.
A genuine person’s decisions and sense of fulfillment are not dependent on others’ opinions. They follow their own paths. Their principles and choices come from their own values.

Thoughtfulness

It usually means paying attention to the other person’s needs, preferences, and dislikes. Being thoughtful also means choosing to express kindness that’s guided by empathy.

A thoughtful person carefully considers how their actions might affect others. Thoughtfulness is shown through active listening, which helps you appreciate the perspectives and feelings of others, even if they’re different from your own.

How to practice thoughtfulness

The art of being thoughtful involves intentional listening, empathy, and mindful awareness.

Always keep in mind that people, including your potential partner, have different perspectives. Actively listen and avoid reacting impulsively.

Make it a habit to pause and think before responding and to ask questions in order to better understand people and situations.

Final Thoughts

The goal of embodying these characteristics is becoming a better person.

Consistent practice of these virtues slowly makes them a part of you until acting on them comes easily for you. Nurturing these traits can naturally draw people to you because not only will you make them feel cared for, you show them that caring is a normal way of life.

Going through this process of self-improvement will not only make you a more desirable partner but also a better man overall.

At the end of this journey, it will be a bonus for you to say, “I don’t chase, I attract.”

References:

Collins, Jim. 2019. “On Being Genuine.” Dr. Jim Collins. https://www.drjimcollins.com/on-being-genuine/.

YouGov. 2017. “20-country study finds that people are more likely to value a partner’s personality over their looks.” YouGov.com. https://business.yougov.com/content/19761-partner-attributes-6.