Couples Should Have These Relationship Non-Negotiables
Add these seven non-negotiables to your list.
Compromise is essential in a relationship. But there are times when you have to put your foot down. You’re a partner, not a doormat.
This is where non-negotiables come in. Many mistake them for killjoys. But saying no to things and having standards isn’t bad. They help you and your partner maintain integrity as you work toward a long-lasting relationship.
That said, do you know your non-negotiables?
What Are Non-Negotiables in a Relationship?
Here is the “non-negotiable” meaning, according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary: something that isn’t open to discussion or reconsideration.
In a relationship, they refer to the areas, traits, or habits that you won’t compromise on. Think of them as rules that ensure your security and satisfaction. Your partner has them, too, meaning both parties should respect and abide by them.
And no matter how strong your feelings are, stand your ground and don’t throw your standards. Establishing them is useless if you can’t uphold them.
The Difference Between Negotiables and Non-Negotiables in a Relationship
We all have a set of values and beliefs. They’re a result of our upbringing, culture, religion, and societal norms. They make up who we are and help define our negotiables and non-negotiables.
Negotiables in a relationship are things that you can compromise on. They don’t go against your strong opinions and morals. So, you’re willing to change your tune on them after enough convincing. An example of this is your food preferences.
On the other hand, your non-negotiables are things that you stand on because they clash with your identity and truth. Compromising on them can lead you to feeling like you’ve betrayed yourself.
Why Do Non-Negotiables Matter?
There’s a saying that love is blind. And it’s correct to some degree. When you love someone, you tend to be high up in the clouds. Even if you’re aware that your beliefs or goals don’t align with your partner’s, you hold on to the hope of change. You see their red flags, but you make excuses for them.
Your non-negotiables help you avoid such mistakes in the following ways:
They clearly define boundaries.
You and your partner will know which lines to avoid crossing. Without this distinction, your relationship can suffer from dissatisfaction and toxicity.
They ensure security and mutual respect.
The clearer you both are about what you will and won’t tolerate, the more aligned you’ll be. This alignment stops resentment and discontent from brewing.
They sharpen communication skills.
Sharing your must-haves generates honest discussions, leading the two of you to understand each other better.
They strengthen your sense of self.
Sticking with your standards will bolster your self-respect because you feel validated. You don’t need to throw your needs away for someone else.
7 Must-Have Non-Negotiables in a Relationship
Licensed clinical social worker Jennifer Jacobsen says non-negotiables are unique to each relationship. Do you know yours? If not, here are some must-haves to consider:
Friendly reminder: mutual support is an important non-negotiable in dating.
#1: Core values
These are the beliefs influencing your actions, choices, and behaviors every day. Yours and your partner’s might differ, especially if you two grew up in different areas and environments.
But if you want your relationship to last, your values should align. Otherwise, you’re pulling each other in different directions. This makes your chances of staying together little to none.
#2: Shared responsibilities
Your tandem shouldn’t stop at the fun stuff. You two have obligations towards each other.
Whether you’re living together or not, you’re a team. We know what some of you may be thinking. Doing chores and errands together sounds boring. The thing is, those tasks won’t finish themselves.
You and your partner should have equal responsibilities and do your part in fulfilling them. It would be unfair if only one of you were pulling their weight.
#3: Mutual support
You and your partner should be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. Whether you need career advice or just want someone to hear you out, they should be in your corner (and vice versa).
Is mutual support a given? Yes. Every relationship needs it. But in case some of you overlooked it, here’s a friendly reminder: this shouldn’t be too much to ask.
#4: Finances
Nobody likes talking about money. It’s a sensitive and uncomfortable subject all around. But that discussion is inevitable and necessary, especially if you’re planning a future together.
Be transparent about your financial health. If you have debts, don’t leave your partner in the dark about them. Whatever your financial goals are, tell them. You two should be on the same page.
#5: Shared goals
Now that we’ve touched on the idea of working toward a shared future, here’s another component. You can’t wing things and expect them to always work themselves out.
What does the future look like for you two as a couple? You might not paint the same picture because you have different priorities. What if, for example, you want to move to a bigger city and they don’t? How will you work around that without compromising?
#6: Intimacy
Intimacy in relationships comes in different forms. It can be as wholesome as cuddles or as passionate as sexual intimacy. There’s no right or wrong type.
As a species, we naturally crave it, regardless of form. Many of us consider it an important non-negotiable in dating and relationships. But with that said, people have different comfort levels.
Take time to discuss your expectations on this subject. Yes, it’ll be awkward. But it’s better to get it out of the way than let it hang over your heads and feel stuck in the situation.
#7: Family relationships
When you’re in a relationship, you aren’t just involved with each other—your families are part of the deal, too.
How comfortable are you with their involvement? Are you okay with the occasional intervention, or do you prefer them to keep their hands off?
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If your relationship already has most of these non-negotiables, great! You’re heading in the right direction. Just be consistent in upholding them.
But for those who haven’t figured theirs out yet, that doesn’t mean it’s too late or that you’re doomed to fail. There’s no better time to list your “rules” than the present. Use this reference as your guide.
References
Merriam-Webster. 2025. “NONNEGOTIABLE Definition & Meaning.” Merriam-Webster. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/nonnegotiable.
Pace, Rachael. 2023. “20 Relationship Non-Negotiables You Should Know.” Marriage.com. https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/relationship-checklist-13-non-negotiable-things-you-must-do/.