How to Talk to Women | A Guide for Gentlemen Everywhere

A man applying his knowledge on how to talk to women

Learning how to talk to women isn’t rocket science. With a few pointers, you can become a master at this art.

Liking a woman is one thing. But if you want her to reciprocate your interest, you should do something to earn it. Unfortunately, some men, even the seemingly most confident ones, don’t know how to talk to women without becoming a messy puddle of nerves.

Because conversations don’t always come easy, we’ve put together a guide to help you learn the art.

Whether it’s small talk or asking her out, a few pointers won’t hurt. Knowing what to expect is nice, even if you can’t predict outcomes.

Why Can Talking to Women Be Hard?

Striking up conversations with women is easier said than done. But why? These are among the reasons holding many men back:

#1: Fear of rejection

Who likes getting turned down? Rejection is an experience no one enjoys. It feels like a slap to the face because it sends a message of not being enough for something or someone.

For some men, the thought of dealing with rejection is (understandably) enough to scare them away from approaching women. By avoiding this, they prevent themselves from getting heartbroken.

#2: Fear of being misunderstood

Some men can’t express their feelings fully because of inhibitions. Others purposely hold themselves back so they won’t admit anything they want to keep hidden.

Both are rooted in the fear of being misunderstood. They don’t want people to perceive them as someone they’re not.

#3: Differences in communication styles

People express themselves differently. Men tend to act nonchalantly and prefer pragmatic conversations. Meanwhile, women have more propensity for emotional behavior and often just want to feel heard. Just so we’re clear, neither tendency is bad.

However, these communication habits can be hard to unlearn. Some don’t even want to change because they’re firmly set in their ways. And with that, some men won’t bother talking to women because of their uncompromising stances.

This Is How You Should Talk to Women

Talking to women shouldn’t be as complicated as some make it out to be. So, it’s time to challenge your fears. Here’s how you should approach your conversations.

Man and woman talking on benches

If you want to talk to her, make yourself known by introducing yourself first.

Introducing Yourself

Say you’ve spotted a beautiful lady and want to talk to her. The least you want to do is ramble. First impressions last, and you don’t want to leave a nasty one.

An introduction may sound formal, but it exists for a reason. It’s an opening that can make a woman feel more comfortable around you. Since you took the time to be polite, she’ll know she’ll be in good company.

Start off on the right foot by approaching women in these gentlemanly ways:

#1: Read the room.

Is she alone? Is she busy with other people? Don’t pretend you’re Cassanova and chat with random women right away. You don’t want to jump in and make the atmosphere potentially awkward.

#2: Gauge her interest.

Try stealing glances before making your advance. Should your eyes meet, give her a little smile. If she flashes one back, take it as a sign of (slight) interest. Then, look away. If you know, you know.

#3: Keep declarations out.

Don’t overcomplicate things. This is an introduction, after all. Say hello and talk about whatever’s happening around her. Leave the picket lines out the window and just be your best self.

Getting to Know Each Other

Now that introductions are over, it’s time to further earn her interest by subtly letting her know about yours. With this, create an exchange; get to know each other. Here’s how to do it:

#1: Ask for her name.

If you’re going to chat with women, don’t leave your manners out the door. Asking one her name means she’s no longer just a stranger to you.

Add brownie points by saying her name back to her. Not only does this bolster memory, but it also makes her feel extra special. People often like hearing their names from others, especially if there’s already slight interest in them.

#2: Start light.

You don’t want to squander a good thing before it even happens. Start your conversation on a light note. Choose easy subjects to avoid intimidating (or worse, scaring) a woman away. Make it a fun time for everyone involved.

#3: Go for open-ended questions.

Asking questions is always great. But do you know what would be even better? Open-ended questions.

This type uses Wh-questions. Instead of yes or no, they’re designed to get someone’s takes and feelings. They’re good questions to ask women because they encourage substantial answers.

#4: Pick up little things and bring them up when appropriate.

Knowing how to talk to women means knowing your strengths. Men always notice outward attributes outright. Turn it up a notch by noticing minor details. It could be a tattoo, a quote on her shirt, or a book she’s carrying. Weave it into your conversation by asking about it. She’ll appreciate your attention to the little things that make up her identity.

#5: Refer to something she previously shared.

Women love it when men pay genuine attention to what they have to say. Play this to your advantage by referencing something she previously mentioned. It could be anything, from a song to a show.

#6: Keep the subject of exes out.

Even if you’re long removed from a breakup, try not to bring up exes into your conversations. A woman doesn’t need to know your history or your baggage.

You don’t want her to feel burdened on just your initial meetup. Otherwise, she’d only see you as someone who hasn’t moved on from their ex.

#7: Inject humor when you can.

Few things are as universally attractive as humor. Not only does it make people laugh, but it also eases tensions. Even a corny dad joke can be enough to help relax an otherwise unsettling situation.

If you can poke fun at yourself, then that’s a bonus. This will make a woman feel less intimidated in your presence.

Now that you know how to talk to women, put these tips into practice and play the field. You won’t know what will happen until you try it out yourself.