A Lack of Intimacy Causes People to Lose Love
The lack of intimacy can cause more conflicts in the relationship.
Intimacy is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Whether it’s hugging, cuddling, holding hands, or just sharing a great conversation, a couple that thrives in intimacy will never feel alone.
But what happens when someone in the relationship becomes distant? The couple might live under the same roof, but they’d feel like they’re miles apart from each other. There’s no quality time, not even sweet conversations.
What do you think happens to a relationship that is devoid of or has a lack of intimacy?
Let’s dive deeper to understand how intimacy issues affect relationships, and how you can overcome them.
What is Intimacy? | Beyond Physical, More than Emotional
When you think about intimacy, you’re probably thinking about a couple sharing the same bed, cuddling each other. While you are partly right, it’s more than just sharing a bed or being passionate with each other.
Intimacy is the state of being intimate with your partner.
According to VeryWellMind, the word “intimacy” is derived from the Latin word “intimus,” which means “inner” or “innermost.” Intimacy in relationships is the link between a couple that creates a deeper bond. It allows them to be comfortable and vulnerable and be more of themselves.
Intimacy can be categorized into 5 distinct types: physical, emotional, experiential, spiritual, and intellectual.
Physical Intimacy
When you picture an intimate couple, you’d think of two people being physically close to each other. Physical intimacy is the connection made through the act of love and passion, such as being in bed together, holding hands, cuddling, or anything that involves skin-to-skin contact.
Physical intimacy is more than just making each other feel loved through physical contact; it brings relief, comfort, and safety between a couple. It provides a physically safe space for them to be vulnerable and close to each other.
Emotional Intimacy
What is emotional intimacy? Emotional intimacy is characterized as the ability to share your deepest and most personal secrets and/or feelings with your significant other. It allows the two of you to talk about future worries as a couple, like planning what to do after marriage, or even about needing each other’s support in difficult times.
Emotional intimacy allows people to feel seen, understood, and heard—which is why this form of intimacy is one of the most crucial necessities for a couple.
Intellectual Intimacy
Having intellectual intimacy allows both parties to share opinions; whether they are polarizing or agreeable, they both enjoy challenging each other’s wits. Intellectual intimacy creates a safe space for both people to exchange each other’s knowledge about certain topics or issues without judgment.
There are couples who are on the extremes of political ideology, fandom, or even music artists. They enjoy the company of those who shed light on new things—creating a connection through knowledge.
Experiential Intimacy (Social Intimacy)
A couple’s shared experiences create a nostalgic connection. Having a “core memory” of a certain event creates the groundwork for their relationship. This is often found in many relationships in their beginning stages.
This form of intimacy is important because every relationship has a certain event that anchors it, which can vary from a small walk in the park to a grand concert attendance.
Spiritual Intimacy
Often related to religious beliefs and ideals, this form of intimacy is a more profound way of connecting through a shared belief. While it is often mistaken as just “going to church together,” a couple’s spiritual intimacy is more than just visiting temples of worship or practicing religious traditions.
A couple who engage in spiritual intimacy enjoy talking about spiritual philosophies, such as life and death. Their common spiritual beliefs bring them closer to each other.
What Causes Couples to Lose Intimacy and Love?
No relationship is perfect. Each one will face challenges that will either make or break both partners’ connection and intimacy.
A lack of intimacy in a relationship stems from one or more of the following issues:
- Conflicts: New Problems and Unresolved Issues
- Lack of Communication
- Lack of Quality Time Together
- Trust Issues
It can be difficult to be intimate with each other when problems arise or have yet to be solved. In fact, some couples consider it disrespectful to call it a day and go to bed when there are still unaddressed problems with their partners.
These issues, if left unresolved, can create a wall of resentment, causing one or both people in the relationship to slowly lose interest and connection with their partner. Even after the issues are resolved, it could be too late for them to rekindle their intimacy.
Communication is one of, if not the most important thing, in a relationship. While it is normal to have miscommunications every now and then, it becomes a problem when it is consistent and constant.
The lack of responsiveness creates a gap between both partners, which degrades intimacy. Communication should be a non-negotiable for every relationship.
Couples who rarely spend quality time with each other often develop indifference over time. They become used to the lack of intimacy they begin to lose feelings.
A lack of quality time can be due to one's circumstances at work or peer pressure. Friends often compete with partners for their time and attention, which often leads to partners spending less and less time with each other.
Once bitten, twice shy—that’s what happens when someone commits a mistake that seems unforgivable. Just like the effects of cheating, partners become more hesitant and lose their intimate connection when trust is broken.
The effects of trust issues can either be a minor inconvenience or a total breakup. Because intimacy is built upon trust as its foundation, relationships crumble when that foundation is broken.
Are you aware that your lack of intimacy can lead to intimacy issues that cause loss of love?
Overcoming the Lack of Intimacy in a Relationship
Are you and your partner suffering from a lack of intimacy in your relationship? Not all is lost if you’re still able to rebuild your intimate connection.
It may not be simple, but if you follow these steps, you’ll at least be able to reconnect with your partner and maybe even strengthen your bond even more.
- Be Transparent With Each Other
- Reminisce About the Past
- Adapt to Each Other’s Love Language
- Prioritize Making Quality Time Together
- Take Time for “Their Needs”
- Don’t Hesitate to ask for “Your Needs”
Being honest and transparent helps rebuild each other’s trust. It can take a while for trust to be rebuilt, so patience is crucial.
Try telling your partner how you feel, and don’t hold back your emotions. Let them know what you feel and how the relationship has affected you. By doing so, you’re signaling your partner a call for action.
A blast from the past is a romantic and playful way of realizing what went wrong in your relationship. Putting on the rose-tinted glasses can help you see what you did right and where it went wrong.
While it’s not recommended to linger in the past, looking back helps you understand where the relationship is headed. Like looking at the rearview mirrors of the car, you check to see whether something was left behind or see what caused the bump in your relationship.
The longer a couple is together, the more complacency becomes an issue. Yes, you already understand how each other’s love languages work, but there has to be some major tinkering if you want to restart the fire between you.
Try doing something out of the ordinary. If your partner expects that you’re not the type of person who does “acts of service,” surprise them by making them a meal or doing their chores. It may seem like a small gesture, but your effort goes a long way.
A general rule people should live by: “Leave the office on time and never take your work home.” What happens at work stays at work; your job at home is to enrich your love with your partner—it’s important to organize yourself and have a proper work-life balance.
Your partner has been waiting for you, so you should look forward to quality time with them, and not more work. Eat meals together, shower together, go watch a movie, or even go on a romantic date.
There are two people in a relationship, and everyone has their own needs. Sometimes a person becomes disgruntled or unpleasant whenever their needs aren’t met. Whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional. Take time to listen to your partner’s needs.
Being in a relationship means you both need to take care of each other. By making compromises and sacrifices, you’re showing commitment to rebuilding the relationship’s strength. Ask your partner what they need—maybe they need a massage or a romantic getaway.
There’s nothing selfish about asking your partner to provide for your needs. Not all the time should you be sacrificing the most to build up the intimacy; a relationship is a two-way street that requires both partners to function.
You’re a lover and not a martyr; you deserve to be pampered and spoiled sometimes. Asking your partner to fulfill your needs is one way for them to deeply understand you more.
Maintain Love Through Intimacy
Sometimes, the solution to our relationship problems has been hiding under our noses the whole time. What we really need to do is look ourselves in the mirror and ask if we’re being complacent and losing love due to the lack of intimacy. Only then can we better understand how to approach our relationships moving forward.
To conclude, here are some intimacy quotes to inspire you to rebuild your relationship and regain that lost love: “Passion is the quickest to develop and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still.”
“The opposite of loneliness is not togetherness; it’s intimacy.”
Maintain intimacy to maintain love.
References
Loggins, Brittany. 2024. “What Is Intimacy in a Relationship?” Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-intimacy-in-a-relationship-5199766.