Situationship: A Modern Dating Phenomenon
Ambiguity is the core of a situationship.
Somewhere between a relationship and the “no strings attached” arrangement is a gray area many people find themselves in: the situationship. It’s murky territory that relies on ambiguity to continue.
Nobody has the goal of entering a situationship because it’s confusing and gut-wrenching. You’d think daters would avoid it like the plague. But in reality, many are stuck in this predicament. Some even settle for it.
We know you can’t help but ask why it happens. Some may not even know what it is in the first place. So, let’s dive deep into it.
What Is a Situationship?
We’re aware that some of you may not be familiar with the concept. So, let’s start by explaining the term.
The arrangement is somewhere between a casual fling and a committed relationship. The people involved aren’t officially or exclusively dating, but they do things that most couples do. There’s no commitment, but they have feelings for each other.
The idea is a portmanteau of “situation” and “relationship.” Health writer and editor Carina Hsieh coined the term back in 2017 during the rise of dating apps. She describes the entire arrangement as “a hookup with emotional benefits.”
Some may lump situationships together with friends-with-benefits setups. However, they have their differences.
Why Do Situationships Happen?
Now that you’ve understood a situationship’s meaning, you may be confused as to why people get into them in the first place. Surely, they’d want a clearly defined relationship, right?
People have various reasons for falling into situationships.
One, they don’t want anything serious at the moment. Expectations and traditional dating norms are a no-go for them, and they still want to explore their options.
Two, the fear of commitment still plagues them. They only want the benefits of being exclusive or official, not the responsibilities that come with it.
And lastly, it’s their low self-esteem talking. This is the result of their past heartbreaks, risk-averse tendencies, and longstanding fears of pain and abandonment coming together.
How to Tell If You’re in a Situationship
“Am I in a situationship?”
These signs should send the message:
#1: They show you or tell you—or both.
This is the easiest way to figure out your situation. When the other person tells you that they only want things to be casual or that they’re not ready to commit, take their word for it. Some people aren’t complicated and will tell you their terms from the get-go.
Are they keeping their lips sealed? Look at their body language. Sometimes, actions tell you things words can’t.
#2: There’s no progress.
Official relationships usually have milestones like anniversaries and meeting each other’s families. Situationships don’t have that. It’s just the two of you in your little bubble. If you haven’t integrated each other into your lives at this point, chances are, it’s not happening anytime soon.
#3: You’re not the only one.
Every relationship has boundaries. Situationships, unfortunately, have blurry ones. You know you’re in one if you’re just a part of their roster. And the worst part is, they don’t even tell you about it.
Am I in a situationship?” If you’re asking, perhaps you are
#4: Plans only revolve around the present time.
There’s no talk of long-term plans and your respective futures. Everything you do is all about the now. If they haven’t looped you in on their planned timeline now, they’ll likely never keep you up to speed.
#5: Inconsistency is consistent.
Normal couples (aside from those in long-distance relationships) see each other regularly. Meanwhile, situationships scrap routines and operate on convenience.
You call each other only when either of you is sad or bored (or worse, both). You act like the other doesn’t matter until the next time their name lights up your phone. If not, you disappear from each other's lives for weeks after spending an intimate night.
#6: You’re often anxious.
Situationships don’t have expectations and responsibilities. But that doesn’t mean they don’t come with dread. The uncertainty surrounding your predicament makes you anxious because you don’t know where you stand.
Types of Situationships
Situationships come in several types. They have similar principles but have different motives. Let’s go through each one quickly:
The Safety Net
Some can’t help but feel pressure when surrounded by couples. And with that, they take that pressure off by rekindling old flames. They don’t have to go through an adjustment period thanks to their history.
The Promising Prospect
Consider this a rare gem. You started hanging out with this one person, thinking they’d only keep you company for a few weeks. Several months later, you’re still spending a lot of time with each other. Most people in situationships think they’ll just come and go. But sometimes, the temporary becomes a long-lasting event. Just because something started as a fleeting moment doesn’t always mean it has an expiration date.
The Shield
Have you ever felt annoyed by people asking about your dating life? We know the feeling, and it’s not great.
That shame can trigger us to make rash decisions. In this case, it’s entering situationships to shield us from judgmental eyes. And when they’ve done their job, the show’s over.
Cutting the Cord: How to End a Situationship
If a situationship isn’t your cup of tea (regardless of the reason), don’t prolong your misery and torture yourself. Let go. It’s the best choice for your mental health.
Your medium of choice for breaking the news (texting, DMs, in-person meet-ups) is up to you. But whatever you choose, your message shouldn’t beat around the bush. Choose your words carefully, and don’t give any indication of a comeback.
Moving On: How to Get Over a Situationship
Getting over a situationship is just as hard as any other breakup. The relationship was undefined, but you still made physical and emotional investments. That has to hurt!
And with that, don’t repress yourself. Expressing how you truly feel about your experience is the only way to go if you want to move forward. You’re allowed to feel heartbroken, even if you weren’t together.
Put the final nail in the coffin and go the no-contact route. You have no reason to see each other anymore.
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Now that you know what a situationship is, entering or avoiding one is entirely your call. Regardless of your choice, though, don’t ever settle for less than what you deserve.
Reference
Battle, Myisha. 2023. “Situationships Are the Future of Dating. That’s Not a Bad Thing.” Time. https://time.com/6263743/situationships-dating-benefits/.