Courting vs. Dating: How They Differ

#1: Noticing

You come across someone you like. Their physical features and personality are just your type. But your observation doesn’t stop at the good things. You notice their undesirable traits, too. At this stage, it helps to be objective and discerning.

#2: Attraction

You acknowledge your attraction, and curiosity follows. You want to know more about the other person and whether they’re a suitable partner. So, you consider testing the waters to gauge their feelings and your compatibility.

#3: Flirtation

You act on your attraction using seduction and playfulness. But flirting isn’t just about sending cues. You also wait for the other party to respond to get the back-and-forth going.

Flirting is also big on timing. It won’t work if you’re shooting your shot when a potential match is still down in the dumps from a breakup.

#4: Demonstration

Going by its name, this stage requires you to show your cards. You display your abilities, skills, and anything you believe you can bring to the table. If the other party likes what they see, they return the effort.

#5: Romance

All the effort in the first four stages leads to this. Both parties experience, give, and receive passion.

#6: Individuation

As you’re both falling deeply in love, you learn to remain true to yourselves. You freely express who you are because you feel safe around each other. You don’t need to ask each other permission to do so because there’s no fear of disapproval.

#7: Intimacy

The early passion has faded, presenting the chance to deepen your connection. Both of you are more comfortable with vulnerability, having little to no qualms about opening up.

Courting someone means taking it slow.

#8: Touching

The emotional work becomes physical. However, for touches to be meaningful, both parties should fully trust each other, practice care, and make sound judgments.

#9: Foreplay

Passion amps up, and so does physical intimacy. You go from light touches to kissing and holding hands.

Some couples rush through this stage because they want to get down to business. But if you want to make the most out of your pursuit, you shouldn’t skip this part.

#10: Intercourse

All the work done in the last three stages amounts to this. And bodily pressure isn’t the only takeaway here. You learn to surrender yourselves to each other.

#11: Commitment

The two of you are sure about each other’s feelings and want to keep your connection. You get cold feet, but you find the courage and seal the deal of commitment.

#12: Renewal

“Renewing” here means sustaining your connection. The courtship doesn’t stop after you’ve become official. You put in nonstop effort and continue to show why you’re good for each other.

#1: Flirtationship

The study defines this stage as the “feeling of initial sparks of attraction with someone.” This can mean sliding into their DMs and exchanging replies or hanging out.

Regardless of the mode of communication, the point here is to flirt. You can be as playful as you want since you’re still feeling each other out.

#2: Relationship Potential

If the flirtationship stage conveys interests, this stage is where both parties are saying, “I want to get to know you better.”

Things get a bit more serious. Ambiguity is still present, but you’re increasing your efforts for each other.

#3: In a Relationship

The buildup from the first two stages leads to this. In other words, it’s official and exclusive. At some point, you exchange “I love yous” and meet each other’s families.

#4: Commitment or Bust

You now both know what you are to each other and where you stand. At this point, it’s all about sustaining whatever you have now.

Expectations

Courting someone means you expect to enter a serious relationship, one that might lead to marriage. With such expectations in place, you’re more intentional about building your connection. You actively ask questions that go beyond surface-level and make an effort to spend time together in various settings.

Meanwhile, dating someone is about exploring your preferences and enjoying the thrill of the chase. If the connection leads to a relationship, great. If not, it was good while it lasted.

Commitment

In courtship, you commit yourself to one person, even before you’re exclusive. You don’t have a roster you can fall back on, and don’t even think about match jumping.

When dating, you remain open to options. You don’t act like a Casanova, but you keep yourself available in the market. You meet several people over coffee or a meal until you’ve found that one special connection.

Rules

Courtship is more formal. For example, courting a woman is not only about gaining her affection but also winning over her family through respect, hard work, and generosity. While you don’t have to tell them everything, you should ask for their permission before making bold moves. Moreover, if you want their approval, you should show you’re capable enough to provide a good life for her.

On the other hand, dating is a more liberal way to find a partner. You’re holding off on putting labels and avoiding involving your families because you want to take time to decide to commit.