What is blackmail, especially in the context of online dating and romance scams?

Blackmail is the act of demanding money or other benefits from someone in return for not revealing compromising information about them [2]. In the context of romance or dating scams, this often manifests as financially motivated sexual extortion. Criminals (fraudsters) pretend to be someone looking for love online, coerce victims into creating and sending sexually explicit photos or videos, and then instantly demand money. If payment is not made, they threaten to release these private photos or videos to the victim's family and friends [2-4].

If I suspect I'm being blackmailed by someone I met online, what is the very first step I should take?

The very first step is to **document everything** [5]. You should gather any evidence, which may include emails, text messages, audio recordings, or video footage. Save every interaction you had with the blackmailer, take screenshots noting dates and times, and make sure to keep a detailed log of all demands, threats, and any financial transactions requested or made [5, 6]. It's crucial to do this as soon as you suspect you're being blackmailed, as some fraudsters may be able to delete traces of their criminal demands from your devices [7].

After documenting, who should I report online blackmail to, and why is it important not to handle it alone?

After documenting all interactions and demands, you should **report to the authorities and blackmail experts** as soon as possible [7]. This allows the police to investigate and hopefully catch the blackmailer before they cause more damage [7]. It's important not to handle blackmail alone because attempting to do so can be dangerous and ineffective. It is also not a good idea to meet with your blackmailer or give them any clues as to your real location [8]. You can send a report to the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) or call 1-800-CALL-FBI or any local FBI field office [8].

Should I immediately block the blackmailer or give in to their demands by paying them?

You are strongly discouraged from blocking the fraudster immediately, as this might quickly escalate the situation. According to digital forensics expert Viktor Sobiecki, many blackmailers react to being blocked by immediately releasing your content in retaliation [9]. Blocking them right away can also cut off communication channels that law enforcement needs to investigate [9]. Similarly, **do not give in to their demands by paying them**, as this will not make them go away; it will only increase the chances that they'll return. Instead, if you have to respond, be strategic and stall while working closely with law enforcement [10].

How can I identify potential romance scammers or blackmailers when looking for a serious relationship online, especially with international partners?

**Vigilance is key** when first meeting and engaging with anyone online [4]. An important step is to look through the profiles of your online dates to check for consistency and identify any lies they might tell you [11]. Be suspicious of anyone who seems 'too perfect' [11]. You should never send money to someone you've only met online [11]. Be particularly wary if they love bomb you, try to isolate you, ask for inappropriate photos, or consistently avoid meeting in person [12]. These are common signs used by scammers according to the FBI [11].

How to Catch a Blackmailer | Practical Steps

Two people pointing at the screen, depicting how to catch a blackmailer

How to catch a blackmailer? Gather evidence and report to the authorities as soon as possible. | Photo by Antoni Shkraba Studio on Pexels

Imagine a situation where you got along just fine with someone you thought will become your online sweetheart. But then, things take a disturbing turn.

You receive a chilling message from them. It sounds like a demand; no, a threat. It sounds like they’re threatening to expose your sensitive content – which you gave out of love – unless you do what they say.

That’s when you realize that you’re being blackmailed.

But before you jump right into figuring out how to catch a blackmailer, first, you need to know…

What is blackmail?

Generally, blackmail is the act of demanding money or other benefits from someone in return for not revealing compromising information about them. Blackmailers prey on fear and the natural human desire to protect one’s reputation, privacy, and peace of mind.

In the context of romance or dating scams, blackmail can manifest in financially motivated sexual extortion. The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) explains how this form of blackmail works:

Impersonation: Criminals (fraudsters) pretend to be someone else online. They will pretend to be someone looking for love and romance as well.
Coercion for explicit content: Once they get the trust of their targets, they then manipulate or coerce victims into creating and sending sexually explicit photos or videos of themselves. Usually, this is prefaced by them convincing the targets to move off the platform where they met and onto a far less secure messaging platform.
Demand for payment: Once the explicit content is obtained, the fraudsters instantly demand money.
Threat of exposure: If payment is not made, they threaten to release these private photos or videos to the victim's family and friends.

Nowadays, most interactions take place online. Anyone using social media, dating apps, and messaging platforms is vulnerable to those with unscrupulous intentions.

Vigilance is key. When first meeting and engaging with anyone, for any reason, online, you need to exercise caution. That starts with the platform that you choose to interact on.

What to Do If Blackmailed

It’s a terrifying thought, but not one anyone fully expects to happen to them. Yet preparation helps a lot.

Preparation goes beyond prevention. It should cover the worst-case scenario, which is, of course, if you do fall victim to blackmail. Let’s go through the steps on how to catch a blackmailer:

1. Document everything

Gather any evidence. These pieces of evidence may include emails, text messages, audio recordings, or video footage. Save every interaction you had with the blackmailer.

You can take screenshots, noting dates and times. As long as it’s legally permissible, record all voice messages and calls.

Make sure to keep a detailed log of all demands, threats, and any financial transactions requested or made.

Do this as soon as you suspect you’re being blackmailed, or even for every time that you feel vulnerable when interacting with your online date.

For example, your online date, someone you want to believe you can trust, begins to ask you for sensitive photos. This may or may not lead to blackmail, but keep your guard up. For your own safety, it’s better that you save a screenshot of that kind of chat.

Some of these fraudsters may be able to delete any traces of their criminal demands from your devices, so act as quickly as you can.

2. Report to the authorities

Notify the authorities and blackmail experts. The sooner you do this, the sooner the police can investigate and hopefully catch the blackmailer before causing any more damage.

In addition, if you’re able to give all of the evidence you’ve collected, blackmail experts can use those to help identify and catch your blackmailer.

Attempting to handle blackmail alone can be dangerous and ineffective. It’s not a good idea to meet with your blackmailer, or to even give them any clues as to your real location.

You may send a report to the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3). Or, you may also call 1-800-CALL-FBI or any local FBI field office.

You may feel ashamed to do so, especially if the material the blackmailer is threatening to expose is of a sensitive nature. But remember that this is not your fault and that you are not alone.

3. Don’t block the fraudster

When someone is blackmailing you, you are encouraged to stop contact. But that doesn’t mean you should block the fraudster immediately.

Digital forensics expert, Viktor Sobiecki, explains that blocking might quickly escalate the situation.

Sobiecki's article titled “How to Stop a Blackmailer and Protect Your Digital Reputation” further explains that many blackmailers react to being blocked by immediately releasing your content in retaliation.

Blocking them right away might also cut off the communication channels that law enforcement needs to investigate.

Investigators can rely on the blackmailer’s continued contact to gather more evidence and track their footprint. This way, law enforcement can have the upper hand in luring fraudsters into a situation where they can be identified or apprehended.

Keeping the lines open, under the guidance from authorities, allows for continued data collection.

Person taking notes, depicting what to do if blackmailed

What to do if blackmailed? Document all interactions and every demand and threat. | Photo by cottonbro studio from Pexels

4. Don’t give in to their demands

No matter how scared you may be, don’t act rashly. You’re discouraged from giving in to the blackmailer’s demands. Paying them won’t make them go away. It will only increase the chances that they’ll return.

Instead, if you have to respond, be strategic and stall. Give them excuses as to why you can’t pay them on time. But in the meantime, work with law enforcement. They can also guide you on what to do.

Common Questions

1. Is blackmail a crime?

Is it illegal to blackmail? The answer is YES.

Blackmail should not be taken lightly. In many countries, blackmail is considered illegal. As codified under Title 18 of the United States Code, Section 873, blackmail is punishable by law.

2. Blackmail vs extortion: are they the same?

In everyday conversations, the terms “blackmail” and “extortion” are used interchangeably. However, if we examine the US laws, blackmail is typically considered a specific type of extortion.

The exact definitions and how they are codified may vary between federal and state statutes.

But both are intended to cause harm to another person and both are considered crimes.

3. Should I stop online dating if I become a victim?

All you wanted was to find genuine romance and connection online. Being targeted by a fraudster might make you feel like you made a huge mistake.

But online dating per se isn’t wrong. There are still genuine people in the online world who are looking for a chance at love, just like you.

In fact, many who signed up for professional matchmaking services, like Foreign Ladies, have found their loving spouses. If their love stories, which started online, resulted in successful marriages, so can yours.

How to Catch a Blackmailer: Know the Signs

An important thing to do in catching a blackmailer is to look through the profiles of your online dates. This is how you can check the consistency of the details they share and possibly identify the lies they tell you.

According to the FBI, scammers use your shared details to target you. Thus, it’s important to always research profiles and be wary of anyone, especially those who seem too perfect.

Never send money to someone you’ve only met online. Be suspicious if they

love bomb you
isolate you
ask for inappropriate photos
consistently avoid meeting in person

For more information about blackmail and romance scams, you can visit the article, “Romance scammers’ favorite lies exposed,” submitted by Emma Fletcher on the US Federal Trade Commission website.

References:

eSafety Commissioner. 2025. “Dealing with Sexual Extortion.” eSafety Commissioner. https://www.esafety.gov.au/key-topics/image-based-abuse/deal-with-sextortion#what-are-the-warning-signs.

Federal Bureau of Investigation. n.d. “Romance Scams.” FBI.gov. Accessed April 11, 2025. https://www.fbi.gov/.

Fletcher, Emma. 2023. “Romance scammers’ favorite lies exposed.” Federal Trade Commission. https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/data-visualizations/data-spotlight/2023/02/romance-scammers-favorite-lies-exposed.

Sobiecki, Viktor. 2025. “How to Stop a Blackmailer and Protect Your Digital Reputation.” Digital Forensics. https://www.digitalforensics.com/blog/online-blackmail/how-to-stop-a-blackmailer/?srsltid=AfmBOoqN3siLhs0e4T4rPLSZpViGEwoOSoBBe_XWUKEZp2cD_FooG8DM.